Friday, December 10, 2010

2 Minutes With My Family...

Ok, so last Saturday Craig and I decided that it'd be fun and nice to take the rotten spawnage somewhere to eat - a restaurant. Craig works Saturday mornings, so we were taking them for lunch. I'd told the kids to be ready when Daddy got home. I'd taken a shower, gotten dressed and had decided to let Craig take an hour nap, cuz he works from like 2AM until 7PM Monday-Friday and from 2AM-12PM on Saturday - he was TIRED!

When Craig got up from his nap, we were ready to go...or so I is what happened in the 2 minutes right before we walked out the door. Keep in mind - that I am ready (I'm usually the last one dressed and ready to go, this time I was first!)

Katy: "Mom, do you know where my hair thingie is?"

Ryan: "Mom, can you help find me a pair of socks?"

Brad: "Mom, do you know where a long sleeved shirt is?"

Craig: " Crys, do I have a pair of clean jeans?"

I'd gotten everything everyone asked for and then asked: " Why does everyone ask ME where THEIR stuff is?"

The answer from my family: "You're the MOM - you're supposed to know where everything is"

UGH!!! They are 13 (K), 11 (R), 9 (B) and 41 (C) and yet I'M the one they ask where their stuff is!!!! Trying to teach them to be independent and clean up after themselves is NOT what I signed up for! The kids were SUPPOSED to stay little and NOT grow up! I don't know WHAT happened to Craig, but I guess I've got to train him too! Being the ONLY 'grown up' in my house is disausting. (yes, that IS a word - just ask VodkaMom)

Oh, well! I guess they'll EVENTUALLY get it - but I'm not holding my breath. I LOVE my family, really!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Quick Post - NOT Written By Me

My oldest son, Ryan, had an essay to write about a relationship he has with one of his grandparents. He has 2 that he's close to, my husband's dad and my mom - he chose my mom. His teacher picked 3 essays to go into the contest for a $50.00 savings bond and one of them is Ryan's. I thought I'd share with you what he wrote.

On a side note, I WILL be posting some updates VERY soon! I have a LOT of voices in my head that need to get out - I just haven't gotten them straight yet. Anyway, here's Ryan's essay, I hope you enjoy it:

An Awesome Grandmother

When I was born on June 30th, 1999 my Grandma was the only one in the room with my mom when I was born. My dad was out of town. He’d left and my mom went to work. Dad drove an 18 wheeler and my mom worked at a real T.V. Station. My grandma stayed with my mom for 6 hours after I was born, just so she could see me before she went to work.
I am my grandmother’s oldest grandson. She was the first one to hold me even before my own mother! We lived right next door to my grandma for a while after I was born. She kept telling me the nicest things through my entire childhood. One was that she fell in love with my blue eyes and my blond hair, just like my mom’s (my face is identical as my mom’s face).
My grandma is really special to me because she’s fun, dedicated to her grandbabies, is an amazing cook (She won first place in three baking competitions), she’s kind to other people and she always tries to find the best way to treat her grandkids when they come to visit her. Sometimes I get to go to her house in Madison, Florida occasionally. Every time I go, I make sure to help her with my baby cousins, Katelyn and Kapri. She likes the stories I make up and the pictures I draw her. My grandma. She always thinks my imagination is really amazing. She tells me she has never seen anything that amazing and or beautiful in her entire life. That’s why I think about her every day for all my life. She is sweet and incredible to me and to my big sister, Katy and my little brother Brad. They both are treated the same way as me and they love her the very same way that I love her.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

It Really Isn't My Fault

JOURNAL ENTRY - Saturday August 14, 2010 9:09pm

My dumb ass self has caused me anxiety. I took Ryan to his doctor visit Wednesday. He gave me a prescription for some ADD meds for Ryan. I was supposed to give him his meds first thing this morning, I ended up getting busy with getting his blood work done and work...excuses, excuses. I gave him his medicine at 12:30 this afternoon. The doc told me it COULD cause insomnia (Ryan is my HARD sleeper - when its bedtime, he goes to bed and is RIGHT to sleep). I asked the pharmacist if it was too late to give it to him. He said if I wanted to give Ryan the meds at 7AM Monday, it was ok to give the meds to him at 12:30 today, but I had to give it to him tomorrow (8/15/10) at 10 AM.

So, I gave Ryan this new medication that's for ADHD. I've NEVER known that Ryan HAD ADHD. Yes, he was different. His temper is WAY quicker than mine. His fuse is an eyelash length. It can get VERY scary. All the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome explain my son. I didn't have a word for what's 'wrong' with him. His difference. I've always been the one who talks Ryan down from what/whoever has aggravated him. He doesn't want to disappoint me. But, I'm afraid I've been a HUGE disappointment to him.

Rationally, I know that NONE of this is my fault. But I'm his mother, I should've gotten him help sooner. I'm torn. I have to be the strong one. The one who makes the hurts feel better with a kiss and a band-aid. I'm the one who makes the monsters under the bed and in the nightmares go away. I'm the one they cry for when they're sick and I couldn't get my son the help he needed. See? The mother part of me is strong. I LOVE being a mother. As much as I bitch and moan, I really wouldn't have it any other way. If I could cut the fights between Katy and Brad - I'd be SuperMom!

I'm super paranoid about giving Ryan medication. I have VERY strong feelings about medication. But, I TRUST my doctor and his advice, even if it is later than recommended. But follow the advice, I did. I filled the prescription and gave him a pill...and proceeded to keep an eye on him for the rest of the afternoon. The afternoon passed and things were cool. Craig and I napped for a short while. When Craig got up he was hungry so he grilled a hamburger for himself...and the rest of the bunch. We went grocery shopping and then when we got home, outside.

Ryan and Brad came out to play ball with the bats Craig got them. I came inside and was watching TV. At about 7-7:30, I hear Ryan in the living room freaking out and CRYING! He's playing baseball on the Wii and flipping out because he can't hit a home run. He's standing in the middle of the living room sweaty (from playing and hitting the ball HARD & FAR outside), eyes wide, pupils dilated, dancing on the balls of his feet, twitching his fingers of his left hand and trying to hit home runs with his right, face flushed.

I go over to him and try to calm him down. In the process of this he hits me and starts SCREAMING that he's sorry. I can see the pulse in his neck shoot into triple time and it freaking SCARES the holy hell out of me! I yank the controller off his hand and walk him back into his room. The whole 10-15 steps he's screaming he's sorry. I yell at him to 'sit down and calm the hell down before you give yourself a heart attack! You're scaring the hell out of everyone and ESPECIALLY me!" Manipulative? Yes! The ONLY thing Ryan understands during his 'episodes' is that its bothering me or scaring me and he calms down. I use what I can to make sure Ryan doesn't hurt himself or anyone else. Is it wrong? Who is to say? My parenting skills are NOT perfect, but I'm doing the best I can.

What prompted me to start this was to document what's happening to Ryan and if his medication is helping him, was my watching him and keeping an eye on him and what the doc said about the side effects. He came outside after he and Brad had finished what they were doing (Spider man scrapbook dad bought home) and he started telling me in DETAIL what his thoughts were and EVERYTHING he and Brad had said.

While he was talking to me, he was chewing his tongue (when I said something to him it was because one of his teeth is loose), his eyes darted back and forth, his fingers kept twitching and his hands just NEVER stayed still! I can't even begin to imagine what he's feeling. The only thing he's EVER been this excited about are the Transformers, now its EVERYTHING.

I sound ungrateful. He's healthy and he LOVES me. But, you have to understand, Ryan doesn't interact with people. He'd rather stay in his room and do his own thing than play with ANYONE. He's been out of his room doing things with people and talking 90 miles to nothing. I'm hoping his meds and the therapy, I'll be able to help him...

This is something I wrote down Saturday because of the twitching. I want to keep a record of EVERYTHING that happens while Ryan is going thru this transition period. I'm hoping that we won't have to try 50 million medications to find the one that'll help him. I got a hold of a child psychologist yesterday and I have an appointment with her this afternoon (she meets with the parents before the child to get a 'feel' of the kid). I'm doing what I can to make sure Ryan gets the help he needs to function like a normal human being.

I have some VERY good bloggy friends. Susan, Country Mouse and VodkaMom...ya'll are SO awesome! Your kind words and emails have helped this mother go from "What the hell did I do?" to "I KNOW its not his fault and I'm HELPING him now". Thank you seems like such a small word for the uplifting you've given me, but it's the only word that I have. THANK YOU!

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Mother’s Anxiety

As a mother, you worry about your children. Starting from the moment you hear their heartbeat at the doctor’s office. You wonder what this child is going to be like. Is he/she going to be like their sister/brother? Will this one give you a hard time? Will he/she be colicky? Will they be a happy baby?

Then you worry when the benchmarks that are supposed to be made, aren’t. You ask your pediatrician at the time, if everything is ok with your child and he assures you that it is. Your son is perfect. Then you realize, he’s not talking like he should for a 2 yr old. No one seems to understand him, but you. Then your mother tells you that Mozart (or Einstein) didn’t talk until he was 4 and he was a GENIUS! *{PLEASE NOTE: I don’t know if this is true or not, haven’t looked it up. Don’t care to know – it made me feel better at the time, so that’s all that matters}

You decide to enroll your son in Head Start – it helped his sister come out of her shell, maybe it’ll help him to. He gets accepted because his social skills aren’t developed like they should be. Then he gets into Pre-K because he needs more help with ‘development’. Everything is good until Kindergarten…you walk into your son’s Kindergarten class for a parent/teacher conference and you hear her telling your child that he’s stupid and won’t learn anything! Needless to say, you get your son out of that teacher’s room. He repeats kindergarten only because he’s not "ready for first grade".

You ask and beg for help for your son because SOMETHING is wrong. You’ve known it from the beginning. Now, 11 years later you MAY have a clue as to what’s wrong and it’s scared you senseless. You lay in bed at night thinking everything a mother would…Why didn’t I catch this sooner? Why did it take 11 years to get the help he needed? Have you hurt your son worse by not getting him help?

Mother’s Guilt – it’ll eat you alive EVERY time. I have it and it makes me cry when I think about everything my son has gone thru for the last 11 years. I’m trying to get him help, but I’m lost. I took him to a child psychologist. I couldn’t take the phone calls from his teacher saying he was hitting his head against the concrete wall because he got something wrong on a quiz she gave. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t grasping the things that were taught at school that day.

I THINK I understand now why my wonderful son is having problems. The child psychologists report stated that he has ADHD, OCD and (MAYBE) Asperger’s…I know its NOT my fault – but what else am I to think? If my mother read this she’d tell me I am a great mom. I try to be, it’s hard. I’m scared…I’ve vowed to do everything I can for my children, but what if I fail? What if it's just not enough?

Have I told you I’m freaking SCARED?!?!?!?! What if it’s not enough? What if my everything isn’t what he needs? I can only pray and hope that the love I give my son and the doctor’s appointments don’t cut into his college fund (a try at humor).

Monday, June 21, 2010


I am proud to admit, I LOVE Miley Cyrus! This is one girl that I don’t mind my 13 year old daughter to look up to. Note to those who think I’m a bad mom because of that last sentence: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OR SAY – THAT IS MY OPINION AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT – GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG!

Now, I told my daughter that when Miley’s new CD/DVD combo comes out – I’m getting it…FOR ME! That’s right, people…a 37 yr old woman is buying Miley Cyrus stuff for herself! Miley has been getting a LOT of criticism for the way she dresses and the way she dances…geez, people! Get off her case! Yes, she’s 17 – but she’s no different than any other teen pop princess that has shed her little girl image. Yes, people think ‘Oh she’s gonna be just like Britney or Lindsay’… to those people I say ‘Get a FREAKING life already!’

I recorded the Friday Good Morning America segment that she was on (which she ROCKED), then the Regis and Kelly and then that night (last Friday) I recorded the Live from the O2 concert in London. I was CRYING while I watched it…I actually feel BAD for this girl! She’s giving everything she has to her fans and you can see how much they love her! I saw little girls being held up by their daddy’s and the daddy’s were singing right along! This girl stormed into our lives as an 11 yr old girl on Hannah Montana and we’ve all watched her grow up on that show. Now, she wants to get out of the mold that Disney put her in and everyone expects her to just STAY Hannah Montana? I don’t think so!

People say ‘Where are her Parents?’…uh, right behind the stage watching their daughter mesmerize fans and being SO proud of her! Let me ask you parents something…if you had the means and opportunity to; wouldn’t you do EVERYTHING in your power to help your child realize their dreams? If so, how are you any different than the Cyrus parents? They have the means to make sure ALL their children get to realize their dreams AND they're making sure that they live happy, meaningful lives.

My daughter wants to go to Hollyweird and be an actress. If I had the money, I’d do EVERYTHING I could to help her! As it is, she’s stuck in this little town until she’s 18…or she graduates high school (whichever comes first). I have told her for her graduation present I’d take her to Hollywood and help her as much as I can to get into the ‘business’. I know being an actress is hard. No, I’ve never been one, but my dream as a child was to be an actress as well. No, my daughter doesn’t want Hollywood for me – it’s all her idea. I’ve tried telling her how awful the business is, how horrible people can be to an actress and how she’ll have to always be ‘good’ because of the paparazzi…she doesn’t care – she wants this! If my child wants to be an actress, I’m not gonna stop her – I’ll pray for her and wish her the best and be there for her when things get ugly. I don’t think Miley is a BAD role model for girls, I just hope when my daughter takes Hollyweird by storm, she takes things in stride and with a grain of salt.

The people who criticize others have nothing else to do in their lives and they enjoy knocking people down. The words hurt and they’re mean, but Miley laughs it off. Her critics don’t really ‘know’ her (of course, neither do I) and yet they say harsh and ugly things about her. Have they SEEN the way she is with her fans?! She LOVES them and they LOVE her! Miley Cyrus as a brand is different from Miley Cyrus the person. My daughter and I have ALWAYS talked about why people talk bad about others, why people criticize others…they’re mean and don’t like people (that’s what she came up with).

When Eminem first came out – oh, he was such a BAD guy…his lyrics talked about him wanting to kill his wife or rape his mom. Yes, those lyrics were not very good ones, but if you LISTEN to his words he’s talking about pain and heartache. When my sister-in-law gave me ‘The Marshall Mathers LP’ there was a collective gasp from the family members, because they’d heard Eminem was a BAD guy and his lyrics were the devil…whatever people, he’s a fricken artist! Needless to say, I LOVE Eminem as well. I’ve got most of his CD’s and the things he does with lyrics is AMAZING!!! It doesn’t hurt that he’s exactly one week older than I am and FINE as all get out! I’ve told my children that the way Eminem expresses himself may not be in the way anyone else would, but that doesn’t mean he’s a BAD person.

The way actors and singers are on stage, doesn’t mean that’s how they are in real life. If you don’t like the way Miley is dressing now – don’t buy her stuff, don’t watch her videos! She seems like a very grounded girl and I wouldn’t mind her being my daughters friend. Her parents seem to be VERY proud of her and her fans LOVE her. I LOVE MILEY CYRUS, EMINEM AND BRET MICHAELS!!! If you don’t like my blog, get off it!

Monday, May 3, 2010

WARNING: Sappy, Lovey, Dovey Shit Inside: Read If You Dare

Its not very often that I get sappy. I'm not a girlie girl. I'd rather watch/play football than go shopping. Hell, I'd rather have my eye lashes plucked out by something from one of my horror movies. But this weekend, I was thinking all sappy, lovey, dovey shit and figured I'd share.

If I had one wish, I'd wish....well, to be honest I'd wish that I had enough money to live comfortably and give my children the best life possible. BUT since I'm broke as hell and no one I know has lots of money they're giving to me when they die...I wish everyone could experience 'The Love' just once.

I was talking to my daughter the other day and we were listening to the radio when a Tim McGraw song came on...he says something about never forgetting your first love. I told my daughter that I've never forgotten mine...she thought I was talking about her daddy and as much as I do love him, he's not my first love.

Brent Williamson was my first love. He was my first serious boyfriend when I was 15-17. We went to the same high school together and he was FINE!!! He had blonde hair and brown eyes...kinda reminded me of John Schneider and I LOVED me some Bo Duke when I was growing up. Brent reminded me of Bo. We did some pretty crazy things, but I honestly did love him. It broke my heart when we moved to a different city and we ended breaking up. But yes, Brent Williamson was my first love.

Fast forward MANY years and I was gobsmacked when I met Craig. Craig is everything different. He's dark. His eyes, his hair and his skin (his NATURAL tan? I LOVE IT!). His sense of humor. He enjoys the same things I do, except reading...I LOVE to read, he could live without it...unless its AJC or about the DAWGS.

He's the father of my 3 children and he's been my husband for 14 years. I've never thought I'd be married this the same person. When I pictured my life growing up, I had my large passel of kids, but I never saw a dad in the picture. I grew up with a single mother and not a real father figure around - that could be why I never saw a dad for my kids.

As young girls we read about the happily ever after, which BTW is a crock of BULLSHIT! I've never believed in happily ever after...happily until one of us gets tired of the other yes. but looking at Craig outside playing Frisbee with the kids, 'helping' them play on the XBox, playing Uno or even just giving a kid a hug. My heart felt this weird unexplainable feeling...

SAP!!! It was feeling SAPPY!!!! UGH! I've lived my WHOLE life without the SAP!!! Why now?!?!?! My inner voice was screaming! But my heart was melting just a little...until Craig turned his head to me and winked! He freaking WINKED at me and my heart flipped! Many of you know that my marriage hasn't always been a happy one, but we've fought for it and that's what's made us who we are.

As a mother you fight for your children. As a friend you fight for the wrong felt by another. As a wife, you fight for {and occasionally with} your husband. But if you honestly deep down in the black pit of your heart love your mate - you fight everything and everyone together. I thought my heart was a black hole, but somehow over the last 15 years Craig has filled that hole. With laughter, children and love. THAT'S True Love.

Don't get me wrong, just because I'm feeling this today, doesn't mean that I won't snap your freaking head off tomorrow! I just wanted people to know that I actually DO have a heart! And I do know the meaning of love and happiness and snark! This is disgusting...I've gotta go kick someone or yell at someone...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

UPDATE and Other Random Stuff

Working where I work is AWESOME! That whole birth certificate thing I was stressing over yesterday? Well, I told my boss that I might have to drive with Hubs to Texas (this was BEFORE we realized Step-Spawn could drive) and would need a couple of days off to do it...she got on the phone to her husband and asked what she could do...he gave her a number for someone who apparently is a magician. I got an e-mail yesterday at 4pm saying that the certificate was in Fed-Ex and we should get it today...we got his birth certificate today!!!!

HAPPY 420 Day ya'll!!! Yes, I know its illegal but its cool to say! If you're not 'hip' {snort - like I am SO freaking hip!!! LOL} you may not know what 420 stands for. 420 is code for pot. And according to Huffington Post it started in the 70's in California...SHOCKING isn't it?!?!?!

Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm NOT Driving!

Guess who gets to drive ALL the way to Austin, Texas this week? No - NOT me! (see headline).

Apparently there's this new law that you have to have your birth certificate and your social security card to renew your license in my great state...only problem? Hubby was born in Texas and he doesn't have his birth certificate.

We sent the money to Austin to have them end us a copy of it...they won't get to his request until sometime next week because they're 6-8 weeks behind on their requests. Another problem? Hubs NEEDS his license to work. He's a truck driver with a CDL, he brings home the money AND the bacon - I just fry the latter in a pan. Without his job we'd be homeless...

SO...unless my boss can work magic in the next 24 hours, Hubs is driving 871.70 miles and 13hrs 44 minutes to get his birth certificate. His dad was going to drive out with him, to help...then he couldn't. I was asked and said yes, but I'm taking NEXT Tuesday off for Earth Day field trip with our 4th grader.

Obviously we're not the brightest bulbs in the pack becaue neither one of us thought of the OTHER driver we have in the house...Step-Spawn to the rescue! So now, hubs and Step-Spawn are driving out to Austin tomorrow afternoon and hopefully by Thursday he'll have a valid license and his job still.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed that what we need my boss can help us with. Apparently her husband is the Vital Records Guru and knows people who know people who might be able to get it here quicker, because according to him (and I quote) "Texas is just weird"...because they wouldn't fax a copy over to me and WON'T do anything until next week...Keep 'em crossed people!

P.S. The views of other people are NOT mine! Personally, I think EVERYONE is weird, some just WAY more than others!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I LOVE Being A Woman...

But I HATE being female! 20-25 days out of the month, I'm normal (or whatever passes for normal these days) but the OTHER 5-10 days...I'm a FREAKING EMOTIONAL WRECK!!!

I do NOT cry over every little thing
I do NOT have the top of my head pop off for a minor infraction (for example: Step-Spawn NOT making tea before he goes to bed even AFTER dad has told him to - therefore NO tea in the mornings for younger brother Spawn to have with breakfast {I KNOW they should probably be drinking juice or something healthy - sue me!})
I do NOT want to slaughter every person on the road getting in my way as I go to work.
I'm a half way pleasant person

I DO cry over every little thing (even squirrels dead on the highway)
The top of my head blows COMPLETELY off over EVERYTHING!
I want more than anything the idiot who cut me off to get something VERY nasty and crap himself at work...

Here's the thing: Last night I woke up CRYING my eyes out over a bad dream that involved my daughter. I know, mother's intuition is a strong thing and I DO listen to mine. I called my mom {EVERYONE knows that NO good can come from a phone call in the middle of the night}. She didn't answer - her sleep meds. No big, I texted her and said I was just a little worried about Katie. The FREAKING EMOTIONAL WRECK (FEW) side of me wouldn't let me sleep. The dream kept playing over and over in my head and it kept getting worse!

When Katie was born the doc was in a hurry to start her vacation and put one of those vacuum things on Katie's head (she was stuck), put BOTH feet at the end of my bed and yanked...hard...twice! The thing slipped off her head both times and now she has a mark on her head. Her pediatrician at the time thought it looked a little wrong, so he had it biopsied when she was 18 months old.

THAT place didn't use anything to numb it and yanked an inch of this thing out of her head...then they couldn't get it to stop bleeding...NICE!!! Anyway, she's had this birthmark on her head and its been fine...until the other day when Katie came to me and said it was itching. I lifted her mane of hair and yes, the spot was a little red. It wasn't feverish, but it did itch a little.

THAT was what started the dream. It wasn't a pleasant one, obviously. This dream kept playing in my head and getting worse and worse! I was freaking CRYING my eyes out over something that I THOUGHT about! See why I HATE being female? At about 2AM the RATIONAL part of my brain had finally had enough! It bitch slapped the FEW side and said: "That spot is probably irritated because she recently colored her hair...RED!! You stoopid moron! Now quit the freaking crying and let us get some sleep!"

See?!?!?! When I'm rational and actually THINK about things, I know she's fine and nothing is gonna happen to her. If there was something wrong, my mom would've called me in a heartbeat! Katie called at 6:30 this morning. As soon as I heard her, "Hey, Mommy" I knew everything was OK. The FEW side of me? Yeah - she was crying in a corner until I talked to Katie.

The moral of the story: don't let your kids out of your sight when you're being 'FEMALE'!

Friday, March 12, 2010

The Time Has Come...

You see that beautiful girl in the photos above? That’s my Katie…she’s 13 today and I’m a complete wreck! I was 24 when I had her and I was scared out of my mind! My mom and husband were in the delivery room with me, making sure I was breathing and trying not to scream. When the doc pulled her out I looked between her legs to make sure she was a girl, because even though I had 3 sonograms I could NEVER tell what she was – her hands were covering herself or she was turned on her back. At first glance I thought she was a boy…things were swollen and I was drugged – leave me alone!

But when they put her tiny body in my arms, my heart melted when I looked into her blue eyes. I kissed her tiny heart shaped lips and gave her her name…Rachel Katheryn. Rachel because I love the story of Rachel and Jacob in the Bible (yes, I DO read the Bible…shuudup) and Katheryn for my mother.

Knowing I was putting this post up I asked her Daddy to tell me how he felt knowing he was having another baby and then knowing she was a girl…this is what he said…Of course I was scared! I knew having a little girl was going to be different in the way I raised her and how I watch over her and protect her. And it didn’t help my cause her growing into the most beautiful female ever created

Well said Daddy, well said.

Katie – you’re growing into a beautiful young woman and I don’t like it! I can’t stop it! But then again, I don’t want to. Yes, you aggravate the holy SHIT outta your brothers and you make me wonder sometimes if you’re human and not an alien, but then I watch you take up for some wrong that happened to Ryan or even Brad and I know that you’re being the best big sister you know how.

13 was a TOUGH year for me. I don’t want it to be for you, but you have to start taking responsibility for your actions. The school situation is going to get better – you’re GOING to do what you need to, to make sure I don’t come sit in with you – because you KNOW I will! You have so many dreams and things you want to do, things you wanna see. I want to share ALL of that with you! I want your dreams to come true! I want you to be successful in ANYTHING you do! But your education is NON-NEGOTIABLE!

Being a teenager is fun and knowing you’re getting closer to being able to get a job and make your own way in the world is exciting. Do me a favor? Savor your youth. Have fun being a kid! QUIT GROWING UP SO DAMN FAST!!!

I love you, my girl! We’re going to have a TOUGH row to hoe these next few years. I can’t promise we won’t get into screaming matches. I can’t promise that you won’t be grounded for your grades. I can’t promise that Daddy and I won’t be angry with you for something…but I CAN promise that no matter what, we’ll always LOVE YOU! You are my first born and my only daughter; I want our relationship to be different. It won’t be, but a mother can dream – can’t she?

Loving you is so easy…most of the time. I know when we tell you to do something you roll your eyes and suck your teeth, but we’re not beating you, we’re not starving you and you even have clean clothes and a bed to sleep in at night. You have a good life, you may hate it at times when you can’t do what you want – but you do have a good life. I want that to continue, so remember…to make it to 14 all you have to do is:

1) Keep your grades above a D
2) Keep your room clean
3) Do your chores when you’re told

I love you and I can’t WAIT to see Alice and have dinner with you and Lacy tonight. I'll have a little more to post on Monday - something from the rest of our family.

I Love You, Lil' Bit!!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


This Friday....

I'll be the mother of a...


Wednesday, February 17, 2010


NO! I'm NOT pregnant! I figured out what caused that AFTER I had my third child (and fixed that problem QUICKLY). BUT, we do have a new addition to our family...
THIS is Roxy. She's our new puppy. We THINK she's a Jack Russell Terrier (when she stands still for a few minutes, I'll take another picture of her). She also THINKS my step-spawn is her person. He's not, he doesn't even like her - but he's 19, he doesn't like much of anything.

We didn't tell the kids we'd gotten her - they were away for the WHOLE weekend!!! When they got home yesterday she was a surprise for them, along with new beds and sheets - but that's another story. I was on the phone with the Youngest when he saw her (Mom, there's a DOG in the house! Yes, honey - I know. You got us a DOG?!?!?!). They were SO excited that we'd FINALLY gotten them a dog!

We decided to let THEM name her. We had Bella or Belle (which is foreign for Beautiful - NOT Twatlight). We had Mary. We had Undertaker. Diva. Jack. Sparrow. Elizabeth. Swan (still Pirates, NOT Twatlight). Black Pearl (there is a theme I'm sure). They shot down all my Shakespere ideas (I was HELPING). Then there was Rex, Rocks, Ruby, Max, Dora, Blue, Magenta (you'd think I had a house full of toddlers!). Finally, I pulled ROXY outta my head. They thought on it a minute and they all AGREED!!! Apparently, my children like Chicago (said with jazz hands).

Last night, I did get the ultimate thrill out of walking into the living room and saying to Girl Child, "You wanted that puppy, right?"

"Yes", she said with trepidation

"You're going to help take care of her and love her, right?" I said with a smile

"Yes, she's the best little do-wait, why?", she said with a little distain

"She peed on the floor in front of the bathroom door. Yes, it was CLOSE to the bathroom, but she's a DOG. YOU get to clean it!" I said with more than a little excitement (I think my HUGE grin gave it away)

So, I've lost my freaking mind by brining a PUPPY into the house, but seeing the smiles on their faces and hearing them laugh when she plays with MAY be worth the headache of bringing a LIVE animal into my house...MAYBE!!!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Facebook Etiquette

Ok, so I've gone to the dark side...I've put myself on Facebook. I fought as hard as I could to stay away from it. I've been waterboarded and tickle tortured until I caved. Now I have a question....

Do I HAVE to accept a firends reqest from Hubby's ex-wife?!?! I mean this bitch from the lowest depths of hell actually got upset that Hubby and I both declined her friends request. I mean seriously?!?!?!?! WTF?!?!?! Hubs and I have been together for almost 15 years - 15 YEARS!!!

The only contact he had with her was when their boys were younger and he HAD to have contact with her. They're now 21 and 19! He agress with me, he doesn't talk to her or ANYTHING. What's REALLY sad? She called Youngest Step-Spawn and was whining to him that we haven't accpted her request and ignored her every attempt...

BITCH - back the fuck off! You left him and have ALL your friends believing he beat you - he's NEVER laid a hand on me or my kids...hmm, you're just a lying whore! I got him, GET over it! Just because you're fat and ugly and can only get a BI-guy to fuck your fat ass doesn't mean we have to still have you in our lives. GO AWAY!!!

So my question is: Am I breaking some kind of Facebook rule by NOT accepting her as my friend? Will I get blackballed from Facebook because I don't like ugly, fat, cheating whores? {Myself excluded, of course!}

Thank you for all your help.

The Crazy Lady Who Writes This Blog

Friday, January 29, 2010

Mother of the Year, Here I Come!!!

I asked Hubs if I could blog about what happened at our house last night, he said yes as long as I clarify something. Hubs and I BOTH watch porn, its interesting to me. I enjoy when Hubs comes up with different ways for us to have sex, our sex life is AWESOME!!!! We've been together for almost 15 years, so I think that its cool that we still actually like each other enough to enjoy ourselves....

Girl Child gets my cell phone in the evenings to chat with her friends and such. She needed to ask me something last night and knocked on my door. I was playing Free Cell on the computer and didn't think anything about her just coming in, so I said, "Come in!" When she opened the door, she screamed and said, "Turn the computer around!!!"

When I looked at the screen I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D to find that the PORN was still on the screen!!! Daddy was in the bathroom and said, "You see where I am, don't ya Girl Child. that stuff on the computer is your MOM'S" That was SO not true! She asked me why i was watching something so gross and that she couldn't BELIEVE I'd do something like that! But it was DADDY that was watching it! How did I get blamed for it?!?!?!
THEN Middle Child screamed from the kids bathroom, comes running into my room and says, "You HAVE to come kill this for me"
I walk into the bathroom and THIS is what I have to kill:

Its a FUCKING spider!!! A SPIDER!!!! I HATE SPIDERS!!! Girl Child says, without missing a beat,
"THIS is your punishment for scaring me for the rest of my life! I CAN NOT B-E-L-I-E-V-E my mom watches porn, THEN blames it on my dad!!!"

So ladies and gentlemen, the moral of this story: If your spouse watches porn and you wanna play Free Cell and NOT scar your children for life...minimize the porn.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


No, not ya'll....THOSE people!

I was in Wally World the other day shopping with my family. My four children {yes, this INCLUDES my husband} were doing stupid, crazy things behind me and I was just walking along putting the dinners we were having this week in my buggy, without a care in the world. I occasionally told them to keep it down, but I let them have their fun...

My daughter comes up behind me and grabs my ass…I squeal like a chipmunk and we all start laughing because Girl Child’s face was one of wonder and confusion. Yes, she grabbed my ass – what she wasn’t expecting was the SQUEEE! that escaped my throat. It took her and the shoppers around us by surprise and we got some dirty looks.

The little FSU whore walking around with her short, shorts (ok, so I’m making a judgment call…they were showing the curve of her ASS!!!) and hoochie shirt rolled her eyes and sighed REALLY loud! Youngest asked what her problem was (yes, he TRIED to whisper, but didn’t get it quite low enough and she heard him – but he’s 8) and I looked right at her face with her make up caked on and said, “She just doesn’t know how to have fun” and promptly walked away.

What is it with you people? Can’t you see that we’re not actually out to ruin your shopping experience, just make ours more fun?! My family tends to do things to try to embarrass each other…in public…mostly in Wally World.

Daddy walks around making all kinds of noises, acting like he’s got some kind of disorder and if Girl Child is flipping out because he’s embarrassing her – we high five each other.

Middle Child walks behind me asking all sorts of questions and to make it entertaining to ME, I tell him something off the wall…
”Mom, why’s bread white?”
“Because the Matrix says so, honey”
“Will Neo save us soon, Mommy?” he asks without missing a beat…

Youngest Child is the one who has us ALL in stitches. He runs up and down the isle SINGING…either the Dora the explorer song (to which we ALL join in) or something he’s heard off the radio, giggling when he gets looks from ‘normal’ people.

My family is loud, my family is crazy, but my family is MINE! We’re not out wreaking too much havoc, we’re not starting riots, we’re not abusing our children…we’re trying to teach them that you can be as silly as you wanna be, as long as you’re YOU! Don’t worry what other people think of you, your mom and dad think you’re the BEST kid EVER and it doesn’t hurt that you’re my kids.

My husband on the other hand, can I trade him in? KIDDING!!! He makes me laugh and sometimes when I’m at work and he’s at his job he’ll text me something and I can’t help but laugh. My family may drive me crazy and we may look like the Beverly Hillbillies, without the Beverly Hills, but we do love each other…usually. Ask me tomorrow and my story may be different…AHHH, the joys of being a mom/wife!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Open Letter To The South...

Dear Fellow Southerners,

Whatever you did to piss Mother Nature off, please apologize! I live in Florida...its supposed to be the Sunshine is now the Frostbitten State. It was 16 degrees here Tuesday, wanna know the temp in Maine on the same day? 29!!! It was freaking COLDER here in FLORIDA than MAINE!!! Bangor, Maine (Hello, Stephen King!!! I Love your books! Except IT - did you know Clowns are EVIL?!?!? Just Sayin'...) was warmer than Tallahassee, FLORIDA!!!

Thank You,
Freezin My Ass Off