Monday, May 3, 2010

WARNING: Sappy, Lovey, Dovey Shit Inside: Read If You Dare

Its not very often that I get sappy. I'm not a girlie girl. I'd rather watch/play football than go shopping. Hell, I'd rather have my eye lashes plucked out by something from one of my horror movies. But this weekend, I was thinking all sappy, lovey, dovey shit and figured I'd share.

If I had one wish, I'd wish....well, to be honest I'd wish that I had enough money to live comfortably and give my children the best life possible. BUT since I'm broke as hell and no one I know has lots of money they're giving to me when they die...I wish everyone could experience 'The Love' just once.

I was talking to my daughter the other day and we were listening to the radio when a Tim McGraw song came on...he says something about never forgetting your first love. I told my daughter that I've never forgotten mine...she thought I was talking about her daddy and as much as I do love him, he's not my first love.

Brent Williamson was my first love. He was my first serious boyfriend when I was 15-17. We went to the same high school together and he was FINE!!! He had blonde hair and brown eyes...kinda reminded me of John Schneider and I LOVED me some Bo Duke when I was growing up. Brent reminded me of Bo. We did some pretty crazy things, but I honestly did love him. It broke my heart when we moved to a different city and we ended breaking up. But yes, Brent Williamson was my first love.

Fast forward MANY years and I was gobsmacked when I met Craig. Craig is everything different. He's dark. His eyes, his hair and his skin (his NATURAL tan? I LOVE IT!). His sense of humor. He enjoys the same things I do, except reading...I LOVE to read, he could live without it...unless its AJC or about the DAWGS.

He's the father of my 3 children and he's been my husband for 14 years. I've never thought I'd be married this the same person. When I pictured my life growing up, I had my large passel of kids, but I never saw a dad in the picture. I grew up with a single mother and not a real father figure around - that could be why I never saw a dad for my kids.

As young girls we read about the happily ever after, which BTW is a crock of BULLSHIT! I've never believed in happily ever after...happily until one of us gets tired of the other yes. but looking at Craig outside playing Frisbee with the kids, 'helping' them play on the XBox, playing Uno or even just giving a kid a hug. My heart felt this weird unexplainable feeling...

SAP!!! It was feeling SAPPY!!!! UGH! I've lived my WHOLE life without the SAP!!! Why now?!?!?! My inner voice was screaming! But my heart was melting just a little...until Craig turned his head to me and winked! He freaking WINKED at me and my heart flipped! Many of you know that my marriage hasn't always been a happy one, but we've fought for it and that's what's made us who we are.

As a mother you fight for your children. As a friend you fight for the wrong felt by another. As a wife, you fight for {and occasionally with} your husband. But if you honestly deep down in the black pit of your heart love your mate - you fight everything and everyone together. I thought my heart was a black hole, but somehow over the last 15 years Craig has filled that hole. With laughter, children and love. THAT'S True Love.

Don't get me wrong, just because I'm feeling this today, doesn't mean that I won't snap your freaking head off tomorrow! I just wanted people to know that I actually DO have a heart! And I do know the meaning of love and happiness and snark! This is disgusting...I've gotta go kick someone or yell at someone...