Friday, February 27, 2009


That's it...that's all...just UGH!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

"One of these days, you're going to have a child JUST LIKE YOU and when you do - I'm going to laugh my ass off at you!!!!!"

That's your mother screaming at you with her robe on, curlers in her hair and cold water dripping down her face....because you decided to play a joke on her and pour COLD - ICE COLD water on her when she was in the shower...

Fast Forward MANY years and BAM! You've got this BEAUTIFUL baby, its a girl and she's got the pretty pink lips, fuzzy hair and lungs that an opera singer would be proud of...

Fast Forward 11 years and wouldn't you know it...your daughter does something (oh, I don't know...lets say she decides to poke your 'squishy' boobs) that totally reminds you of yourself as a kid and with startling clarity you hear those infamous words your mother shrieked at you...

What's a mother/parent to do?!?!?! Why CURSE her as well!!!

What is it with mothers cursing their children? Do they NOT see the potential harm in it? Does she NOT realize that not only is she cursing you to have a child like you were (apparently I was a drama queen(that was what my mom said...I don't remember being THAT much of a Drama Queen)when I was a kid) but if you have siblings, chances are you'll end up having a child like one of them.

Case in point...I am the oldest of 5 (yes, people I said 5!!!). I have 3 younger brothers. I did what any older sister would do and tormented the HELL outta my brothers - WHAT?!?!?! but it clearly stated in the Big Sister Handbook that I HAD to! All of older sisterhood would have been disgraced and I'm not one to disgrace the sisterhood. My mother - now that's a different story...different blog too!

ANYWAY...back to my case in point (is it just me or do I ramble ALOT?!?!?!) My youngest brother - The Baby - was a great little brother...until my mom had my sister and he wasn't the baby anymore...I did my best to protect him while tormenting him in my own little way. When my mom had my sister he became the ASSHOLE of all ASSHOLES! I think its hereditary because his walking sperm bank was one too...he was a PAIN!!!!

Well, MY youngest is almost JUST like him! ALMOST...he's not such a butt hole, but I'm sure its coming! When I asked Mother Dear about it you know what her response was? Me either - so I'm taking creative license and making something up...

Her response was..."Well dear, when I cursed you with a child just like you and you had a child just like The Baby, what's that tell you?" Uh, I don't know...THAT'S why I'm asking you?!?!?! That should tell you that The Baby and You are JUST alike! (Insert Evil Maleficent Laugh here) So not only did I curse you with one child just like you - you have TWO!!!! (Again with the Witch Laughing)

So my blogging friends, beware...if your mother (or father, wouldn't want to be accused of discrimination) ever said..."One day you're going to have one JUST like YOU!!!!" there is NO out running it, just lay down and accept it. BUT there is a bright side....

YOU GET TO CURSE THEM RIGHT BACK!!!!!! (Insert Evil Maleficent Laugh)

Friday, February 13, 2009

I LOVE living in a college town...

ring, ring....Hello? (Queen Goob)

Do you know the BEST thing about living in a college town?

Uh, Let me guess...this has something to do with your phone call about Cougars, right?


I don't know, CSY - tell me...

The BEST thing about living in a college town is that you can be driving down the street minding your own business and BAM! You see man meat running down the road in shorts and no shirt! (The drool was making it hard to drive)

Man meat...NICE!!!

Being a woman who enjoys the male body, its impossible NOT to look when a fit guy is running down the road without his shirt on. All I could do was growl in my throat...can you imagine what any red blooded American woman wouldn't be drooling over a nice bod? I understand now why Hubby likes to drive home from work thru the college (he's looking at all the girls, but WHATEVA!) during the spring.
The warm weather definitely brings out the beast, I mean best! Of course when Hubby asked why my eyes were glazed over and I was still drooling when I got home - I had to tell him about Mr. Hardbody Runner. He says he doesn't get why women have to objectify men like that...they have feelings too! They weren't put on this earth just to amuse you Missy!
O.K...first off, the name isn't Missy! Secondly, I don't want to even HEAR how my drooling over a half naked man is objectifying men...its been done to WOMEN FOREVER, buddy! Besides, if I wasn't supposed to look - I would've been blind! He tells me (as his shoulders are shaking from holding in the laughter) that I'm worse than ANY man and I should be ashamed!
Well, I'm NOT!!! If Mr. Hardbody Runner didn't want people looking at him, wearing his shorts and no shirt, he should use my treadmill...Hey, Queenie - can I borrow your treadmill for a while?
I LOVE living in a college town!
P.S. I posed this question to Queenie and she didn't I'm posing it to whoever else may read this nonsense...What is the age difference between a man and a woman to be considered a cougar? Anyone?

I'm Changing My Name...

I love my family - I really do! STOP laughing, Queen Goob - its TRUE! We've moved from our teeny, tiny 2 bdrm, 1 bath apt (yes, we're like the evil rotten clowns who fit everyone and their mother in their little car...CREEPY) into a 4 bdrm, 2 bath HOUSE!!! WITH a YARD...ok, its just sand covered with pine needles, but if you'd seen where we lived before you'd understand.

Hubby and I got the kitchen in order the night before last and I swear my 3 children came into the kitchen at LEAST every 30 minutes to ask 'what's for dinner'...I was cooking it while we straightened (yes, I'm multi-talented...I AM a mom!).

I walk into my home yesterday and instead of greeting me at the door by throwing themselves into my arms and screaming they'd missed me, each of them (at different times) said "What's for dinner?"

I get home between 4:45 and 5 o'clock and they hit me with that as SOON as I walk in? OMG!!!! You've GOT to be kidding me!!!! So I am officially changing my name to...What's For Dinner? Thank you - I'm done with my rant...for now - you can get back to living your fulfilling lives.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

T&T OAESP - Part Duex

UGH!!! I freaking HATE my school district!
I FINALLY got Middle Child to STOP freaking out over everything his teacher asked him to do (please see Trials & Tribulation of an Elementary School Parent below) and he's enjoying learning now. Yes, I do work miracles THAT fast...that and the threat of military school if he didn't straighten his ass out works WONDERS!!!
We moved last weekend into a bigger house (I swear I'll blog about that later) and the kids LOVE it! Unfortunately the school zone we moved into is NOT for the school they go to now. OK I say to myself (yes, I talk to myself - you wanna make something of it? didn't think so...moving on) no big deal - we have School Choice in our county. Yeah!!!! This means that if you don't want your kids to go to a school that has razor wire on top of the 12 foot fence, you can. Right?
EXCEPT when the school your children go to was built over the summer. Apparently the school is SO full that even the students zoned for that school can't even go to it. FUCKING SCHOOL DISTRICTS!!!! Needless to say - I HATE MY SCHOOL ZONE!!!
I'm going to try to send the boys to the school they went to 2 years ago...I probably should have had them stay there in the first place, but I was trying to to the RIGHT thing by my boys!
Holy Hell! A mother can't even do the RIGHT thing anymore! If my kids didn't need to eat, I'd home school them in a heart beat!

Monday, February 9, 2009

I've been a BAAAADDD Blogger...

I know, I know - I haven't kept up my blog and the one person who reads it isn't too happy (maybe). I've been meaning to post, but I've been busy.
My excuse? You want to know why I haven't blogged lately? Well, I've moved. We had to move into a bigger house because the Hubby's ex wife (The Slutty Bitch from the 7th Level of Hell) decided that she didn't want the oldest boy with her anymore and if Hubby and I didn't take him he'd be homeless...meaning she wanted to make her Fucking Sloppy Ugly Stinky Breath boyfriend who can't get it up for her without Viagra (but can have a 3some with HIS ex girlfriend and HER friend) happy and kicking Oldest Son out seemed like the best way to do that....sorry, I digress.
Anyhoo - I'll post later.