Wednesday, January 28, 2009

You Know Its Your 'Time' When...

You get home from work and EVERYTHING you touch either burns or throws a fat grease bomb at you and you burn your fingers (trying to make breakfast for dinner Monday night)
Your wonderful Hubby tries to make you laugh and everything he says is a put down to your ears...HE says: Baby, you look MARVELOUS! (He put his arms around me to hug me when he says this...aww - how sweet, right) YOU hear: Damn girl! What happened to the skinny woman I married 13 yrs and 3 kids ago
Even the LARGE amount of wine you drink doesn't make things go all fuzzy around the edges - it just makes you MORE edgy
When you go to bed for the night and you tell your Hubby - you know, I could kill you right now and get away with it...the FEAR that comes into his eyes when he realizes just how serious you are.

Yes, I am PMS'ing. I'm trying SO hard to be nice and smile at people, but its just SO damn HARD!!! Why can't I just go away to some place tropical where they have bottomless Margaritas served to you by some really HOT guy with a GREAT accent who tells me that no matter what I look beautiful in a bikini? Yeah, I know its a dream, but DON'T burst it for me people, things could go wrong in SO many ways!!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Trials and Tribulations of an Elementary School Parent

OK, so I went to Middle Child's Parent Teacher Conference last Thursday. I was greeted by the teacher, the guidance counselor AND the Assistant Principle (I tried to hide under the table). Apparently Middle Child is getting so frustrated at school that he's been hitting himself in the head and saying he's not smart enough to do his work.

OH. NO. HE. DIDN'T. Teacher had a list (2 FREAKING PAGES) of things Middle Child did for a WEEK while he was at school. Most of the things were grunting or moaning in his seat because he couldn't think of something to write or getting upset because he wasn't picked or if he got an answer wrong. Don't get me wrong - I've tried to instill in the children that their education is VERY important and they should try their best to do their best IN school. The class has a color system for behavior and school work. Middle Child FREAKS when he gets a blue instead of a green. Yes, he gets into trouble at home when he gets a blue - but I DON'T beat him! I take things away from him...TV, video game, outside time.

So, I talk to his teacher...he's been doing better with his behavior (WHEW). His school work on the other hand is not up to par. He REFUSED to do a 'Writes Upon Request' that the class had to do. Apparently this is supposed to help with the FCAT (I HATE this fucking standardized testing!!!). BUT if Middle Child keeps up with the outbursts not only will HE fail the FCAT, but so will every other 3rd grader in the library at the time (oh, GREAT - put MORE pressure on me as a parent!)

I know that there are private schools that are in town - but I don't want them to go to a school that is run or affiliated with a church (easy explanation - I'm a heathen and don't want the skin of my children boiling off when they walk into a church...WHAT?!?!?!). I can't afford any kind of tuition and financial aid is out - on PAPER Hubby and I make too much money. ON PAPER!!! You know, if there ever was a reason to 'git rid' of Hubby - THAT would be a reason. (Not that I would because today I LOVE Hubby) So, for now the CHILDREN of SATAN will be staying in public school.

I will say that the teacher sent home some really good stuff for me to help Middle Child with his if I could only find the time to help him...

Yes, Queen Goob? You want me to come over and help you clean?!?!?! I don't clean MY house...oh, I can get away from my children? But Middle Child needs my help with his school wor...WHAT?!?!?! You have Mark Wahlberg gagged and bound helpless in your closet? Kill me now because unless its Johnny or George (Clooney) I HAVE to help Middle Child. Oh! Well, free beer?!?!!? Why didn't you say so in the first place? I'm on my way!

Middle Child - you'll have to fail 3rd Grade...Queenie has beer and boys, er MEN!!! See ya!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Once More With Feeling...Ok - Sarcasm

OK, I'm a blogging virgin. I asked my good friend Queen Goob if sarcasm was a feeling. She said yes and sent me over to another blogger who has it down to an art form. Queen Goob - my hat is off to you, as usual you were right. OK - so here goes...please be gentle, it is my first time. (Sorry, I'm rolling on the floor...I haven't said that in a LONG time!!!)

I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest...

What in the holy freaking hell are the administrators of our children's education thinking?!?!?! My oldest son is in the 3rd grade, he's 9 (he's also very sensitive...I'm kinda starting to worry about him...maybe). If he doesn't pass the Standardized Testing all 3rd graders are now REQUIRED to take, he'll fail 3rd grade...

Since when is causing the type of scream inducing fear I've been living with via my 9 yr old son (Middle Child) a GOOD way to educate our children? I mean put a LITTLE more pressure on these kids why don't you? I understand that at 9 yrs of age a kids should know a few things...but some of the home work my son is bringing home these days has my eyes bleeding. I BARELY made it out of Algebra 2 in high school, and I was kinda smart then! How in the world is a 3rd grader supposed to know what he's been getting? (I'd explain a little better, but I don't know what they're doing in math to even help him with his homework!)

I have a parent teacher conference next week with Middle Child's teacher, so hopefully she'll be able to explain it to me a little I can stop feeling like a dumb ass back wood hick parent (hey - wait a minute - I AM that parent!).

Speaking of children...does having them actually make a woman stupid? I mean I know having a child growing inside of you is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do, but does that mean that the baby we're incubating is stealing all our brain cells? I'm...well, I was gonna put my age...I'm in my mid-30's (you know, it doesn't look any better on screen than it did in my head) - I should be smarter than a freaking 5th grader! I'm not even as smart as my 3rd grader!

UGH!!! Sorry - I know I'm rambling...I have that problem. I'm going for help, honestly...

Hello, My name is CSymons and I'm a rambler...

Hello, CSymons...