From My Mom...

This time 40 (nah, just kidding) 37 years ago, I was a terrified 16 year old about to embark on the journey of a lifetime, and believe me I was terrified. My family called themselves being supportive, but not really. My husband was useless, and I was alone basically about to bring a new life into this world. I know that you don't believe that I love you, but I loved you from the moment I saw you. Even though I had no clue, I knew that you were my heart. I know that I made mistakes, major ones, and that I failed you on more than one occasion (and I don't need you to say, no you didn't, because I know that I did). But I do love you and I've always loved you. And it hurts me to know that our relationship is not what it should be and I know it hurts you too, even if you won't admit. And I know that it's mostly my fault, but I can't change the past, I wish that I could. Just please remember that you are my firstborn and even if I failed to show it at times, no mother has ever loved a child more than I love you. I didn't say this to make you cry, just to let you know that I do love you very much. And I'm sorry for any pain that I caused you and mistakes that I made that changed your life and your opinion of yourself.

Love,

Mom

MY Day

Today is my birthday, yes - I'm OLD! Yesterday, we took our spawn to the park...we also took pictures, I figured it was my prerogative to share...Enjoy

We may not have alot, but this family LOVES each other! What more can a mom ask for?

This one is my FAVORITE of Daddy and Girl Child

The boys, I LOVE the face on Youngest Child...

I HATE GETTING OLD!!!!!!!

UPDATE: My WONDERFUL mother found the website for me!!! They have BEAUTIFUL sterling silver jewelry and its CHEAP!!!! Check it out:
http://sea-island-jewelry.com/index.html



I will be closer to 40 Monday...

I am looking for a jewelry store in Charleston, South Carolina. This place is on Market Street and sells the prettiest silver jewelry and its CHEAP!!! $20 for a sand dollar pendant/necklace. They fix the jewelry for FREE!!! I've had my pendant and chain for YEARS and its broken twice...this time I can't find the freaking address to send it back to get it fixed!

I know, I can hear you rolling your eyes and asking, "Why don't you just drive to Charleston and get it fixed over a weekend?" You'd think it was that easy! But see, there's this witch that lives in Mt. Pleasant that I can't STAND!!! Yes, Charleston is a big city and Mt. Pleasant is just a bridge away...the problem? There is NO state in the union that is big enough for the two of us. The WITCH that I'm talking about is Hubs ex...I really don't like her.

It has NOTHING to do with the fact she called me fat when I was pregnant with our first child ("You know, CSY, you don't look pregnant - just fat"*) {I almost slapped the caked on blue and pink eye shadow from the 80's right off her ugly face}, or the fact that every time their oldest did something wrong she called Hubs...WHAT IN THE HELL is he supposed to do 300 miles away? SHE'S the one who let them get away with murder...but I digress...

ANYHOO!!! I'm searching high and low looking for this jewelry store. ALL over the Internet. It would help if I could find the business card that had their web-site on it. It would also help if I could remember the name of the store...

It sucks getting old!

*It bugged the HELL out of her that I was 3 times skinnier than her when I met Hubs. She was just mad that I could still see my toes!!!

CONGRATULATIONS! It's A Boy!

Thursday, October 4th 2001 - 9AM
Midwife: So, you ready to have this baby?
Me: SERIOUSLY?!?! I mean after all the false labors, am I ready for this thing to come out? YES!!! I'm waddling EVERYWHERE!
Midwife: Then make the phone calls, don't eat anything after midnight and I'll see you in at 6AM, we're gonna get this baby out of you. Your blood pressure is too high.

I make the round of phone calls to my mom who lived in Florida and my husband who was on the road - "We're having a baby tomorrow! Get here as soon as you can if you wanna be there for the birth!"

Friday, October 5th 2001 - I was used to this, this was going to be my third (and LAST) child. I knew what I was doing...I got all the nastiness out of the way. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Men, I don't wanna upset your picture of us moms...yes, we ARE superheros!

I had EVERYONE coming to see me! My mom and sister were there, all 3 of my brothers and their wives/girlfriends. My grandmother, Aunt, SCORES of cousins and a few friends. I entertained everyone most of the day...by 7:30pm, I was EXHAUSTED! My midwife came in, assessed me, put me on the labor inducing meds and left to get her dinner...

I'd made a deal with this bundle of joy, if he came BEFORE Law & Order he'd ALWAYS be my favorite! The contractions were coming closer and closer together. The nurse checked me again and decided to break my water...30 minutes later (and almost with NO midwife), Reid Bradford slipped into my arms.

My mom was at my head, hubs near my knees. We were breathing and pushing and grunting with the effort. I looked at my husband and noticed he'd turned a very pretty shade of green...my mom caught his eye and asked if he'd like to trade spots...I've only seen hubs be 'girlie' a couple of times and his older boys were at the heart of the 'girlie moment'...I seriously thought he'd faint. He came to my head and kissed me on the forehead saying, "I'm glad to be up here"

When Reid Bradford popped out the doc asked Hubs if he wanted to cut the cord, he begged off. She turned to my mom and handed her the scissors...this baby was the first one she'd cut the cord...she'd been there when my daughter and older son were born, it was only natural that she be there for this one, all 8lbs. 4.5oz of him.

Son, you're 8 today and looking at you sleeping this morning I couldn't believe where the time had gone. We had a scary moment when you were 18 months old and your right lung almost collapsed. You stayed in the hospital for 3 days, I cried.

You're the baby of this wild and crazy bunch and I hope that you turn out OK...if not, its your DAD'S fault! The other kids get mad when you want your way...that you don't get all the time. You are the child that makes me giggle for no reason. You knock on my bedroom door and when I open it you're standing there with a goofy grin on your face and you say something silly...then you run away giggling like crazy.

I've begged your sister, threatened your brother, now I'm not kidding...you don't need to grow up so freaking fast! You need to slow down and let me enjoy your being a kid! You and your siblings aggravate the holy piss out of me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Just slow down!!!

I love you, Reid Bradford! Even if you DO look just like your Daddy! You're going to be a heart breaker when you grow up!

P.S. This is in response to Susan's comment: Oh, HELL yes there were drugs!!! THIS time they got me at 5cm, so it was effective and felt nothing when Brad (its what we call him) was born. They also expected me to keep the epidural needle in while I selpt that night...I had my tubes tied the next morning. When the attendants came to get me ready for 'surgery', they had to give me a drug to numb me BEFORE they put the epidural back in. One note: I actually REMEMBER singing "I Will Survive" while the doc was doing the tube tying business...Yes, I am officially crazy!

ONE Of Us Will Be Dead (or Grey) By The Time She's 18

One of us won't make it to her 18th birthday and since I'm WAY past 18, it's gonna be her...maybe.

Everyone who knows my family, knows that my kids are good kids. Girl Child has tested my resolve in that regard, but you know what? We're gonna be fine! I'll have a head full of grey hair by then but it'll be OK, right?

Hubs and I brought her into our room and pulled up what she'd done wrong. I told her that she could have a MySpace page when she was 13 but there were rules. I found her MySpace page the other night...she's 12. We told her we weren't mad, but she'd broken a rule. We asked for, and got, her email address and password for her MySpace page. We looked at her page...I thought we'd find some smutty, older girl stuff...WHEW!!!

NOTHING like that was on her page! HUGE (inner) sigh of relief. We're letting her keep the page up, but we have the password and will know if she gets back on before her restrictions are up.

We explained to her that we weren't really TRYING to ruin her life or embarrass her, but GOOD parents did that. GOOD parents protected their children from the monsters lurking under the bed or on the Internet. We know where she goes, who she goes with, how long she's staying and that a parent will be there at ALL times. We protect her as much as we can from the outside world, but when she's on the Internet she's letting them into our house and the only way Daddy and I can protect her from them is to actually SEE what's she's doing.

I hope we got our point across...she knows I have friends that can and WILL find whatever she's doing on the computer. I've scared her with moving her away from her friends and threatened (promised) her eviction from her room, I'm doing the best I can to raise a strong woman, but she HAS to slow down and enjoy being a kid for a little while longer. I know she'll be grown before I can blink, but for now I get to hold on to my little girl. I Love You, Girl Child...more than you know, but when you have your first child you'll know that love first hand.