Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I'd Like My Mother of the Year Award Now...

I must be SOME kind of mother...2 of 3 my children are grounded - kinda.

Girl Child is grounded from going anywhere for the whole month and she has to clean the kitchen for the month. Last week was her week to do the kitchen (the 3 older ones take turns cleaning the kitchen every week). I started smelling something on Wednesday, but couldn't find it. Figured it was something in the pipes, tossed down some drain-o and didn't think anything else about it...until Thursday. I smelled it again, thought it was the nasty trash and yelled for someone to take the stinky ass garbage out or EVERYONE was sleeping outside (yes, everyone...but me!) Friday, Girl Child went to my mom's for the weekend, apparently my 3 yr old niece was missing 'her Girl Child' and so my mom guilted me into guilting Girl Child to go. (I'm KIDDING Mom...you didn't guilt){she SO did, but since she might read this - had to make her feel better}
By Friday afternoon the smell was SO bad I couldn't stand it anymore and went sniffing. EUREKA! I found the...oh MY GAWD!!!! I know she didn't do this!!! I called my mom's house...no answer. I called her cell...no answer, but I DID leave a message (When you get this have my child call me! She is in SO much FUCKING trouble, I might have to come get her!) I NEVER cuss in front of or in the vicinity of my mom, my kids? That's a different story.
I get a call a couple of hours later...it was my mom.

"Where's Girl Child?", says I
"In the movie, what's up", says my mom
"I found her dirty little secret, she needs to call me when you get done. I'm half tempted to come to get her tomorrow"
"Why, what's she done? Plus, I have plans tomorrow to go into Valdosta" {see? THAT'S the guilt thing I WASN'T talking about earlier}
" FINE. She's grounded from going ANYWHERE for the month of May"

A couple of hours later my phone rings again...
"Hi Mommy"
"You're grounded from going anywhere when you get back"
"I know. I called to tell you I was sorry. I forgot that the pan was on the floor. I know I'm grounded and can't go anywhere and I have to do the kitchen for the WHOLE month of May and I'll do it and won't complain"
"Good. I love you."
"I love you too, woman who has ruined my social life" {OK, MAYBE she didn't say that last part, but it's my blog and I can LIE if I want to}

So as you know, I was sick last week. I walked into the kitchen Friday afternoon to put the boys dinner in the oven and could not stand the smell anymore and went sniffing...oh, sorry - already said that...
I smelled by the back door and lo and behold I found the culprit...Girl Child likes eggs. She made eggs for afternoon snack one day. She filled the egg pan with water to 'soak'. The table was full of other dishes 'soaking', so she couldn't put it there. The counter was full of clean dishes, so she couldn't put it there. She put it on the floor between the hutch and the back door...and forgot it was there. She dried the dishes with a towel and threw it on the floor between the hutch and the back door...over the egg pan...for about 3-4 days...in the Florida heat.
Yeah, I want my award dammit! Oh, but wait - there's more!
Youngest Boy Child (not to be confused with Middle Child. YBC is the youngest of 4 boys) and his friend (the girl in the I Heart My Fam post...her son) decide to write dirty words in the friend's journal. It was Youngest Boy Child's idea...
GREAT!!! So, YBC and friend are now banned from having ANY fun this week. No TV, no bike, no XBox - NADA!!!!
When you call my name for Mother of the Year, can you have Jeff Probst give me my award...and maybe a HAWT kiss too? What?!


Susan said...

Grody egg pan on top of being sick? Pure nasty. If you could get her to do something wrong with potato chips and chardonnay, then write a post about it, I would pay you for the weight loss!

Maelstrom said...

I'd have just moved the pan to under her bed and closed the door. I'm the funnest dad ever, right?

the mama bird diaries said...

Hope you have a good Mother's day. You deserve a nice one.:)

country mouse said...

From the bottom of my bloggy heart--I am so sorry for you. I, too, am familiar with the ungodly stench of soaking-egg-pan-left-for-many-many-a-day . . .