Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

"One of these days, you're going to have a child JUST LIKE YOU and when you do - I'm going to laugh my ass off at you!!!!!"

That's your mother screaming at you with her robe on, curlers in her hair and cold water dripping down her face....because you decided to play a joke on her and pour COLD - ICE COLD water on her when she was in the shower...

Fast Forward MANY years and BAM! You've got this BEAUTIFUL baby, its a girl and she's got the pretty pink lips, fuzzy hair and lungs that an opera singer would be proud of...

Fast Forward 11 years and wouldn't you know it...your daughter does something (oh, I don't know...lets say she decides to poke your 'squishy' boobs) that totally reminds you of yourself as a kid and with startling clarity you hear those infamous words your mother shrieked at you...

What's a mother/parent to do?!?!?! Why CURSE her as well!!!

What is it with mothers cursing their children? Do they NOT see the potential harm in it? Does she NOT realize that not only is she cursing you to have a child like you were (apparently I was a drama queen(that was what my mom said...I don't remember being THAT much of a Drama Queen)when I was a kid) but if you have siblings, chances are you'll end up having a child like one of them.

Case in point...I am the oldest of 5 (yes, people I said 5!!!). I have 3 younger brothers. I did what any older sister would do and tormented the HELL outta my brothers - WHAT?!?!?! but it clearly stated in the Big Sister Handbook that I HAD to! All of older sisterhood would have been disgraced and I'm not one to disgrace the sisterhood. My mother - now that's a different story...different blog too!

ANYWAY...back to my case in point (is it just me or do I ramble ALOT?!?!?!) My youngest brother - The Baby - was a great little brother...until my mom had my sister and he wasn't the baby anymore...I did my best to protect him while tormenting him in my own little way. When my mom had my sister he became the ASSHOLE of all ASSHOLES! I think its hereditary because his walking sperm bank was one too...he was a PAIN!!!!

Well, MY youngest is almost JUST like him! ALMOST...he's not such a butt hole, but I'm sure its coming! When I asked Mother Dear about it you know what her response was? Me either - so I'm taking creative license and making something up...

Her response was..."Well dear, when I cursed you with a child just like you and you had a child just like The Baby, what's that tell you?" Uh, I don't know...THAT'S why I'm asking you?!?!?! That should tell you that The Baby and You are JUST alike! (Insert Evil Maleficent Laugh here) So not only did I curse you with one child just like you - you have TWO!!!! (Again with the Witch Laughing)

So my blogging friends, beware...if your mother (or father, wouldn't want to be accused of discrimination) ever said..."One day you're going to have one JUST like YOU!!!!" there is NO out running it, just lay down and accept it. BUT there is a bright side....



YOU GET TO CURSE THEM RIGHT BACK!!!!!! (Insert Evil Maleficent Laugh)

8 comments:

Mandy said...

1. Drama Queen is something you don't grow out of.
2. I was a perfect child so I have no idea what you're talking about. DH on the other hand was a complete HELLION and all of my children act like him. Not me, who was a perfect angel.
3. I have that Handbook as well. I think it's page 46, paragraph 12.5.
4. I've yet to utter those words to my children. I remember that they will in turn produce grandchildren for me, then somehow expect ME to watch them on occasion. I'm afraid.

Susan said...

I have to admit right now that I curse at my child. Not my children: just the child who HATES it. Can you say immature mamma? My boys wouldn't even blink but my daughter has an all out, flipping on the floor fit if I say, "shit." So I say it a lot.

I will be dead of chardonnay poisoing before she has children so I'm safe.

YOU, however, will be nominated for sainthood simply for your kind comments on my blog. Thank you. VERY much.

Belle said...

Drama Queen? Honey - you have no idea!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

tell me about it! Everyday, in every way, I see myself in my son and I keep saying, "My God! The curse of the mommy came true"!!!

First timer at your blog! Glad to have visited. Visit mine when you have time!!

Braja said...

I did a post on this in December or something called These Are A Few of My Favorite Things, about my mother's cursing....she used to threaten us as well. Love her...

CSY said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CSY said...

Mandy - you forget, I've KNOWN you for almost 20 (OMG!!! I suddenly feel VERY old) years and I KNOW what you were like as a child...

Susan - When I'm admitted into the sainthood, I would hope you'll be there with a HUGE drink in hand!

Belle - I'm LIVING with one! Actully 4 if you count Hubby, Middle Child, Youngest Child AND Girl Child

Roshni - WELCOME! Thanks for the comment!

Braja - I went and read and posted a comment. LOVELY!!!!

Thank you all for reading my ramblings and commenting on them...it warms the cockles of my black heart (IF I had one, which according to my family I don't)

WA said...

Something tells me you felt a whole lot better after you wrote all of that down...