I LOVE SURVIVOR!!!

I have had the hots for Jeff Probst since I first saw him on Rock'n'Roll Jeopardy. I have wanted to be on Survivor since it frist came out. I've watched this 'Lord of the Flies' show since its beginning. I have been disappointed in more than one season, but have been a loyal fan.

I laughed my ASS off when Sue told Kellie that "the snake should eat the rat" and Rich Hatch won the fist million dollars. I watched Dreamz royally screw YaoMan with the truck. I cried my eyes out when Boston Rob asked Amber to marry him and she said YES!!! I watched that TRAMP Julie lure Jeff away with her I 'heart' Jeff 'tattoo' that she made with the war paint in Vanautu (yes, my spelling SUX - deal with it!), but I let that go because eventually Jeff would notice that I have the hots for him and would come crawling back to me...I fell head over heels for a rough pirate named Rupert, lost all sense of reason when a chisled James made me want to get into gravedigging, shouted at the TV when Parvarti broke James' heart (no big, James - I got your back) because she's a Georgia girl like me, rooted for JT to win and hoped he was ok when his tooth got knocked out (little dude kept playing!!!) and (I HATE to admit this) actually ended up liking a little troll named Russell.

I started reading the blog Jeff writes after the episode airs and I'm more than a little disturbed at the trend I've noticed. It would be WONDERFUL if Jeff read this post and emailed me and said, "No, Crystal your view of what's been going on with your favorite reality series is all in your head." Alas, I have to just face the facts...real people aren't the Survisors anymore.

I don't know WHEN it happened, but I'm thinking it was sometime either after Stephenie's whole tribe was decimated or even as recently as Survivor 16...but the cast started looking too pretty. THEN I started reading the comments from Jeff's blog and I was STUNNED...the people chosen to play Survivor are ACTORS, ACTRESSES or even people the PRODUCERS know!!! Color me stupid! But I STILL love Survivor!

I HAVE NO WORDS

Well, I took Ryan BACK to the child psychologist in August. He has FINALLY been clinically diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, Social Phobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, OCD, Depression and ADHD. The ADHD we KNEW about. The Asperger's and the rest - I had a FEELING about and am now vindicated in FINALLY having everyone understand.


YESTERDAY, I get a phone call from the counselor at his school. He'd written some disturbing things in his journal and it freaked his teacher out. Understandably, since what he wrote was that he was useless, fat, slow, short, and friendless and that he thought everyone would be better off if he was either dead or never born. Me heart sank. Of course I was going home from work because I WANTED to be there to talk to him when he got off the bus.

He was upset. I TRY not to cry or get frustrated when I talk to him about things like this, but its hard because he's my CHILD and I HAVE to protect him. He said he was sorry that he'd written it but he meant it at the time because that's how he felt right at that moment. He didn't MEAN that he'd come home and hurt himself and he didn't understand why everyone got so freaked out because he just said that because he was sad.

Let me explain something about Ryan. He thinks he has to make the BEST grades and be the BEST at everything. He gets upset when he makes a bad grade or can't understand something that HE THINKS should be easy to him and tends to have what we call 'meltdowns'. What started yesterday's spiral was the fact that he'd gotten a 60 on a Math quiz. He didn't understand percentages but he answered to the best of his ability and he still got the 60. I've ALWAYS told my children that it doesn't matter to me if they make C's - as long as they are giving it their best shot. (I've also told my high schooler that she will NEVER use Algebra in her adult life, but I still expected her to pass the class)

From the time Ry was in Kindergarten he's tried his best. His first Kindergarten teacher called him STUPID and he'd never amount to anything. I know this because I HEARD IT! Needless to say, I moved him OUT of that school. He's had a hard time in school until his 5th grade year, when he was given an ADHD medication. Now he's making A's and B's - MOST of the time.

But there are days, like yesterday, that are just HARD for him. I'm his biggest champion and his best advocate, but sometimes its HARD...VERY hard. I'm doing my best and trying to get him the help he needs. Sorry for rambling, I apparently found the words after all.