Sorry VodkaMom, I Saw His HINEY!!! MY Favorite Part!

This past weekend Hubby and I took Middle Child to the movies.

In March Middle Child came running out of my bedroom all excited and stuff. He could barely breathe he was SO excited.

"Mom! Guess what I just saw and you HAVE to take me"

"What Middle Child, what did you see that has you so excited" This is where I expected him to say he has made us millionaires because he figured out the cure for cancer

"I JUST saw the previews for 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine', you HAVE to take me to see it"

THIS is where 'MommyMode' comes in because I make a deal with him: "You can go see it if from now until the day it comes out you get green when you're in school. I will take you myself to see it - but ONLY if you get all greens from now until May 1st"

May 1st gets here and Middle Child has gotten all greens in his planner - no more acting up in class. His grades have shot up and he's feeling good about himself. We couldn't take him the day it came out, BUT we did take him this past Sunday and he LOVED it!

My favorite part? (I'm sorry VodkaMom, it IS!) When Hugh Jackman is running thru the woods NAKED!!! I would've seen more of his goodies if the camera had been operated by a woman! Hugh Jackman is VERY easy on the eyes, ESPECIALLY naked! But I still have the HAWTS for Jeff Probst.

Oh, and we took photos - my Middle Child and I...I Love Him!!!

It's Official!!!

I have TOTALLY ruined my daughter's life and she's ONLY 12!!! I am SO patting myself on the back for this one!

Tuesday when I picked her up from school she didn't look very happy. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she has detention. There was a substitute teacher in one of her classes on Monday and the sub said as long as the class was quiet, they could pass notes. BEFORE the bell rang the kids were all talking loud and apparently Girl Child had her name put on the 'bad kid' list.

My daughter isn't really a bad kid {quit laughing, Queen! She's a good kid...usually}, she just likes to talk to her friends. She asked me if I could let her skip detention. I told her I wanted to talk to her teacher to find out the OTHER side of the story. Apparently that is NOT what the cool parents do - they just let their kid skip detention.

The teacher and I exchanged voice mails and e-mails and Girl Child has detention...on Monday. She totally hates me and hasn't talked to me in two days! I have NEVER had so much peace! Now, if she'd stop talking to her brothers, we'd have blessed silence in the house...PLEASE STOP TALKING TO YOUR BROTHERS, GIRL CHILD!!!!

Teaching My Kids The Art Of Sarcasm

fa-ce-tious: adjective - not meant to be taken seriously or literally; amusing; humorous

As many of you know, I am a VERY sarcastic person and I'm trying to teach my children the art of sarcasm. Case in point:

"No, child - the sky is purple"

Child: "Mommy, are you being Bocephus again?"

I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

I'd Like My Mother of the Year Award Now...

I must be SOME kind of mother...2 of 3 my children are grounded - kinda.

Girl Child is grounded from going anywhere for the whole month and she has to clean the kitchen for the month. Last week was her week to do the kitchen (the 3 older ones take turns cleaning the kitchen every week). I started smelling something on Wednesday, but couldn't find it. Figured it was something in the pipes, tossed down some drain-o and didn't think anything else about it...until Thursday. I smelled it again, thought it was the nasty trash and yelled for someone to take the stinky ass garbage out or EVERYONE was sleeping outside (yes, everyone...but me!) Friday, Girl Child went to my mom's for the weekend, apparently my 3 yr old niece was missing 'her Girl Child' and so my mom guilted me into guilting Girl Child to go. (I'm KIDDING Mom...you didn't guilt){she SO did, but since she might read this - had to make her feel better}
By Friday afternoon the smell was SO bad I couldn't stand it anymore and went sniffing. EUREKA! I found the...oh MY GAWD!!!! I know she didn't do this!!! I called my mom's house...no answer. I called her cell...no answer, but I DID leave a message (When you get this have my child call me! She is in SO much FUCKING trouble, I might have to come get her!) I NEVER cuss in front of or in the vicinity of my mom, my kids? That's a different story.
I get a call a couple of hours later...it was my mom.

"Where's Girl Child?", says I
"In the movie, what's up", says my mom
"I found her dirty little secret, she needs to call me when you get done. I'm half tempted to come to get her tomorrow"
"Why, what's she done? Plus, I have plans tomorrow to go into Valdosta" {see? THAT'S the guilt thing I WASN'T talking about earlier}
" FINE. She's grounded from going ANYWHERE for the month of May"

A couple of hours later my phone rings again...
"Hello?"
"Hi Mommy"
"You're grounded from going anywhere when you get back"
"I know. I called to tell you I was sorry. I forgot that the pan was on the floor. I know I'm grounded and can't go anywhere and I have to do the kitchen for the WHOLE month of May and I'll do it and won't complain"
"Good. I love you."
"I love you too, woman who has ruined my social life" {OK, MAYBE she didn't say that last part, but it's my blog and I can LIE if I want to}

So as you know, I was sick last week. I walked into the kitchen Friday afternoon to put the boys dinner in the oven and could not stand the smell anymore and went sniffing...oh, sorry - already said that...
I smelled by the back door and lo and behold I found the culprit...Girl Child likes eggs. She made eggs for afternoon snack one day. She filled the egg pan with water to 'soak'. The table was full of other dishes 'soaking', so she couldn't put it there. The counter was full of clean dishes, so she couldn't put it there. She put it on the floor between the hutch and the back door...and forgot it was there. She dried the dishes with a towel and threw it on the floor between the hutch and the back door...over the egg pan...for about 3-4 days...in the Florida heat.
Yeah, I want my award dammit! Oh, but wait - there's more!
Youngest Boy Child (not to be confused with Middle Child. YBC is the youngest of 4 boys) and his friend (the girl in the I Heart My Fam post...her son) decide to write dirty words in the friend's journal. It was Youngest Boy Child's idea...
GREAT!!! So, YBC and friend are now banned from having ANY fun this week. No TV, no bike, no XBox - NADA!!!!
When you call my name for Mother of the Year, can you have Jeff Probst give me my award...and maybe a HAWT kiss too? What?!

Haven't Been Feeling Well...

For the last week I've been fighting not feeling well. the left side of my face has swollen up right under my chin. I go to Urgent care because I'm in MAJOR pain. The doc does the strep test, puts his finger in my mouth to see how tender it is and says 'Don't bite the doc'...Ok, doc - I can't open my mouth more than maybe an inch, you have your finger in my mouth and I'm not supposed to bite you...THEN he touches the most sensitive part of my mouth - the part that's swollen. DON'T BITE THE DOC...I didn't bite the doc, but if he puts his finger in my mouth one more time I can't promise anything.

Since I have a little bit of nothing to do ALL freaking day long, I figure its a good time to add my Philly pic...


Don't I look SO thrilled? Hubby LOVED taking that pic...

I'm crawling back into bed now...I'll add the others when I feel up to doing more.