CSY1996

2 Minutes With My Family...

2010-12-10T08:36:00.007-05:00

Ok, so last Saturday Craig and I decided that it'd be fun and nice to take the rotten spawnage somewhere to eat - a restaurant. Craig works Saturday mornings, so we were taking them for lunch. I'd told the kids to be ready when Daddy got home. I'd taken a shower, gotten dressed and had decided to let Craig take an hour nap, cuz he works from like 2AM until 7PM Monday-Friday and from 2AM-12PM on Saturday - he was TIRED!

When Craig got up from his nap, we were ready to go...or so I thought...here is what happened in the 2 minutes right before we walked out the door. Keep in mind - that I am ready (I'm usually the last one dressed and ready to go, this time I was first!)

Katy: "Mom, do you know where my hair thingie is?"

Ryan: "Mom, can you help find me a pair of socks?"

Brad: "Mom, do you know where a long sleeved shirt is?"

Craig: " Crys, do I have a pair of clean jeans?"

I'd gotten everything everyone asked for and then asked: " Why does everyone ask ME where THEIR stuff is?"

The answer from my family: "You're the MOM - you're supposed to know where everything is"

UGH!!! They are 13 (K), 11 (R), 9 (B) and 41 (C) and yet I'M the one they ask where their stuff is!!!! Trying to teach them to be independent and clean up after themselves is NOT what I signed up for! The kids were SUPPOSED to stay little and NOT grow up! I don't know WHAT happened to Craig, but I guess I've got to train him too! Being the ONLY 'grown up' in my house is disausting. (yes, that IS a word - just ask VodkaMom)

Oh, well! I guess they'll EVENTUALLY get it - but I'm not holding my breath. I LOVE my family, really!

Quick Post - NOT Written By Me

2010-12-09T14:39:00.004-05:00

My oldest son, Ryan, had an essay to write about a relationship he has with one of his grandparents. He has 2 that he's close to, my husband's dad and my mom - he chose my mom. His teacher picked 3 essays to go into the contest for a $50.00 savings bond and one of them is Ryan's. I thought I'd share with you what he wrote.

On a side note, I WILL be posting some updates VERY soon! I have a LOT of voices in my head that need to get out - I just haven't gotten them straight yet. Anyway, here's Ryan's essay, I hope you enjoy it:

An Awesome Grandmother

When I was born on June 30th, 1999 my Grandma was the only one in the room with my mom when I was born. My dad was out of town. He’d left and my mom went to work. Dad drove an 18 wheeler and my mom worked at a real T.V. Station. My grandma stayed with my mom for 6 hours after I was born, just so she could see me before she went to work.
I am my grandmother’s oldest grandson. She was the first one to hold me even before my own mother! We lived right next door to my grandma for a while after I was born. She kept telling me the nicest things through my entire childhood. One was that she fell in love with my blue eyes and my blond hair, just like my mom’s (my face is identical as my mom’s face).
My grandma is really special to me because she’s fun, dedicated to her grandbabies, is an amazing cook (She won first place in three baking competitions), she’s kind to other people and she always tries to find the best way to treat her grandkids when they come to visit her. Sometimes I get to go to her house in Madison, Florida occasionally. Every time I go, I make sure to help her with my baby cousins, Katelyn and Kapri. She likes the stories I make up and the pictures I draw her. My grandma. She always thinks my imagination is really amazing. She tells me she has never seen anything that amazing and or beautiful in her entire life. That’s why I think about her every day for all my life. She is sweet and incredible to me and to my big sister, Katy and my little brother Brad. They both are treated the same way as me and they love her the very same way that I love her.

It Really Isn't My Fault

2010-08-17T10:56:00.004-04:00

JOURNAL ENTRY - Saturday August 14, 2010 9:09pm

My dumb ass self has caused me anxiety. I took Ryan to his doctor visit Wednesday. He gave me a prescription for some ADD meds for Ryan. I was supposed to give him his meds first thing this morning, I ended up getting busy with getting his blood work done and work...excuses, excuses. I gave him his medicine at 12:30 this afternoon. The doc told me it COULD cause insomnia (Ryan is my HARD sleeper - when its bedtime, he goes to bed and is RIGHT to sleep). I asked the pharmacist if it was too late to give it to him. He said if I wanted to give Ryan the meds at 7AM Monday, it was ok to give the meds to him at 12:30 today, but I had to give it to him tomorrow (8/15/10) at 10 AM.

So, I gave Ryan this new medication that's for ADHD. I've NEVER known that Ryan HAD ADHD. Yes, he was different. His temper is WAY quicker than mine. His fuse is an eyelash length. It can get VERY scary. All the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome explain my son. I didn't have a word for what's 'wrong' with him. His difference. I've always been the one who talks Ryan down from what/whoever has aggravated him. He doesn't want to disappoint me. But, I'm afraid I've been a HUGE disappointment to him.

Rationally, I know that NONE of this is my fault. But I'm his mother, I should've gotten him help sooner. I'm torn. I have to be the strong one. The one who makes the hurts feel better with a kiss and a band-aid. I'm the one who makes the monsters under the bed and in the nightmares go away. I'm the one they cry for when they're sick and I couldn't get my son the help he needed. See? The mother part of me is strong. I LOVE being a mother. As much as I bitch and moan, I really wouldn't have it any other way. If I could cut the fights between Katy and Brad - I'd be SuperMom!

I'm super paranoid about giving Ryan medication. I have VERY strong feelings about medication. But, I TRUST my doctor and his advice, even if it is later than recommended. But follow the advice, I did. I filled the prescription and gave him a pill...and proceeded to keep an eye on him for the rest of the afternoon. The afternoon passed and things were cool. Craig and I napped for a short while. When Craig got up he was hungry so he grilled a hamburger for himself...and the rest of the bunch. We went grocery shopping and then when we got home, outside.

Ryan and Brad came out to play ball with the bats Craig got them. I came inside and was watching TV. At about 7-7:30, I hear Ryan in the living room freaking out and CRYING! He's playing baseball on the Wii and flipping out because he can't hit a home run. He's standing in the middle of the living room sweaty (from playing and hitting the ball HARD & FAR outside), eyes wide, pupils dilated, dancing on the balls of his feet, twitching his fingers of his left hand and trying to hit home runs with his right, face flushed.

I go over to him and try to calm him down. In the process of this he hits me and starts SCREAMING that he's sorry. I can see the pulse in his neck shoot into triple time and it freaking SCARES the holy hell out of me! I yank the controller off his hand and walk him back into his room. The whole 10-15 steps he's screaming he's sorry. I yell at him to 'sit down and calm the hell down before you give yourself a heart attack! You're scaring the hell out of everyone and ESPECIALLY me!" Manipulative? Yes! The ONLY thing Ryan understands during his 'episodes' is that its bothering me or scaring me and he calms down. I use what I can to make sure Ryan doesn't hurt himself or anyone else. Is it wrong? Who is to say? My parenting skills are NOT perfect, but I'm doing the best I can.

What prompted me to start this was to document what's happening to Ryan and if his medication is helping him, was my watching him and keeping an eye on him and what the doc said about the side effects. He came outside after he and Brad had finished what they were doing (Spider man scrapbook dad bought home) and he started telling me in DETAIL what his thoughts were and EVERYTHING he and Brad had said.

While he was talking to me, he was chewing his tongue (when I said something to him it was because one of his teeth is loose), his eyes darted back and forth, his fingers kept twitching and his hands just NEVER stayed still! I can't even begin to imagine what he's feeling. The only thing he's EVER been this excited about are the Transformers, now its EVERYTHING.

I sound ungrateful. He's healthy and he LOVES me. But, you have to understand, Ryan doesn't interact with people. He'd rather stay in his room and do his own thing than play with ANYONE. He's been out of his room doing things with people and talking 90 miles to nothing. I'm hoping his meds and the therapy, I'll be able to help him...

This is something I wrote down Saturday because of the twitching. I want to keep a record of EVERYTHING that happens while Ryan is going thru this transition period. I'm hoping that we won't have to try 50 million medications to find the one that'll help him. I got a hold of a child psychologist yesterday and I have an appointment with her this afternoon (she meets with the parents before the child to get a 'feel' of the kid). I'm doing what I can to make sure Ryan gets the help he needs to function like a normal human being.

I have some VERY good bloggy friends. Susan, Country Mouse and VodkaMom...ya'll are SO awesome! Your kind words and emails have helped this mother go from "What the hell did I do?" to "I KNOW its not his fault and I'm HELPING him now". Thank you seems like such a small word for the uplifting you've given me, but it's the only word that I have. THANK YOU!

A Mother’s Anxiety

2010-07-26T08:14:00.002-04:00

As a mother, you worry about your children. Starting from the moment you hear their heartbeat at the doctor’s office. You wonder what this child is going to be like. Is he/she going to be like their sister/brother? Will this one give you a hard time? Will he/she be colicky? Will they be a happy baby?

Then you worry when the benchmarks that are supposed to be made, aren’t. You ask your pediatrician at the time, if everything is ok with your child and he assures you that it is. Your son is perfect. Then you realize, he’s not talking like he should for a 2 yr old. No one seems to understand him, but you. Then your mother tells you that Mozart (or Einstein) didn’t talk until he was 4 and he was a GENIUS! *{PLEASE NOTE: I don’t know if this is true or not, haven’t looked it up. Don’t care to know – it made me feel better at the time, so that’s all that matters}

You decide to enroll your son in Head Start – it helped his sister come out of her shell, maybe it’ll help him to. He gets accepted because his social skills aren’t developed like they should be. Then he gets into Pre-K because he needs more help with ‘development’. Everything is good until Kindergarten…you walk into your son’s Kindergarten class for a parent/teacher conference and you hear her telling your child that he’s stupid and won’t learn anything! Needless to say, you get your son out of that teacher’s room. He repeats kindergarten only because he’s not "ready for first grade".

You ask and beg for help for your son because SOMETHING is wrong. You’ve known it from the beginning. Now, 11 years later you MAY have a clue as to what’s wrong and it’s scared you senseless. You lay in bed at night thinking everything a mother would…Why didn’t I catch this sooner? Why did it take 11 years to get the help he needed? Have you hurt your son worse by not getting him help?

Mother’s Guilt – it’ll eat you alive EVERY time. I have it and it makes me cry when I think about everything my son has gone thru for the last 11 years. I’m trying to get him help, but I’m lost. I took him to a child psychologist. I couldn’t take the phone calls from his teacher saying he was hitting his head against the concrete wall because he got something wrong on a quiz she gave. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t grasping the things that were taught at school that day.

I THINK I understand now why my wonderful son is having problems. The child psychologists report stated that he has ADHD, OCD and (MAYBE) Asperger’s…I know its NOT my fault – but what else am I to think? If my mother read this she’d tell me I am a great mom. I try to be, it’s hard. I’m scared…I’ve vowed to do everything I can for my children, but what if I fail? What if it's just not enough?

Have I told you I’m freaking SCARED?!?!?!?! What if it’s not enough? What if my everything isn’t what he needs? I can only pray and hope that the love I give my son and the doctor’s appointments don’t cut into his college fund (a try at humor).

GOODBYE, HANNAH – HELLO, MILEY!

2010-06-21T09:08:00.005-04:00

I am proud to admit, I LOVE Miley Cyrus! This is one girl that I don’t mind my 13 year old daughter to look up to. Note to those who think I’m a bad mom because of that last sentence: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OR SAY – THAT IS MY OPINION AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT – GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG!

Now, I told my daughter that when Miley’s new CD/DVD combo comes out – I’m getting it…FOR ME! That’s right, people…a 37 yr old woman is buying Miley Cyrus stuff for herself! Miley has been getting a LOT of criticism for the way she dresses and the way she dances…geez, people! Get off her case! Yes, she’s 17 – but she’s no different than any other teen pop princess that has shed her little girl image. Yes, people think ‘Oh she’s gonna be just like Britney or Lindsay’… to those people I say ‘Get a FREAKING life already!’

I recorded the Friday Good Morning America segment that she was on (which she ROCKED), then the Regis and Kelly and then that night (last Friday) I recorded the Live from the O2 concert in London. I was CRYING while I watched it…I actually feel BAD for this girl! She’s giving everything she has to her fans and you can see how much they love her! I saw little girls being held up by their daddy’s and the daddy’s were singing right along! This girl stormed into our lives as an 11 yr old girl on Hannah Montana and we’ve all watched her grow up on that show. Now, she wants to get out of the mold that Disney put her in and everyone expects her to just STAY Hannah Montana? I don’t think so!

People say ‘Where are her Parents?’…uh, right behind the stage watching their daughter mesmerize fans and being SO proud of her! Let me ask you parents something…if you had the means and opportunity to; wouldn’t you do EVERYTHING in your power to help your child realize their dreams? If so, how are you any different than the Cyrus parents? They have the means to make sure ALL their children get to realize their dreams AND they're making sure that they live happy, meaningful lives.

My daughter wants to go to Hollyweird and be an actress. If I had the money, I’d do EVERYTHING I could to help her! As it is, she’s stuck in this little town until she’s 18…or she graduates high school (whichever comes first). I have told her for her graduation present I’d take her to Hollywood and help her as much as I can to get into the ‘business’. I know being an actress is hard. No, I’ve never been one, but my dream as a child was to be an actress as well. No, my daughter doesn’t want Hollywood for me – it’s all her idea. I’ve tried telling her how awful the business is, how horrible people can be to an actress and how she’ll have to always be ‘good’ because of the paparazzi…she doesn’t care – she wants this! If my child wants to be an actress, I’m not gonna stop her – I’ll pray for her and wish her the best and be there for her when things get ugly. I don’t think Miley is a BAD role model for girls, I just hope when my daughter takes Hollyweird by storm, she takes things in stride and with a grain of salt.

The people who criticize others have nothing else to do in their lives and they enjoy knocking people down. The words hurt and they’re mean, but Miley laughs it off. Her critics don’t really ‘know’ her (of course, neither do I) and yet they say harsh and ugly things about her. Have they SEEN the way she is with her fans?! She LOVES them and they LOVE her! Miley Cyrus as a brand is different from Miley Cyrus the person. My daughter and I have ALWAYS talked about why people talk bad about others, why people criticize others…they’re mean and don’t like people (that’s what she came up with).

When Eminem first came out – oh, he was such a BAD guy…his lyrics talked about him wanting to kill his wife or rape his mom. Yes, those lyrics were not very good ones, but if you LISTEN to his words he’s talking about pain and heartache. When my sister-in-law gave me ‘The Marshall Mathers LP’ there was a collective gasp from the family members, because they’d heard Eminem was a BAD guy and his lyrics were the devil…whatever people, he’s a fricken artist! Needless to say, I LOVE Eminem as well. I’ve got most of his CD’s and the things he does with lyrics is AMAZING!!! It doesn’t hurt that he’s exactly one week older than I am and FINE as all get out! I’ve told my children that the way Eminem expresses himself may not be in the way anyone else would, but that doesn’t mean he’s a BAD person.

The way actors and singers are on stage, doesn’t mean that’s how they are in real life. If you don’t like the way Miley is dressing now – don’t buy her stuff, don’t watch her videos! She seems like a very grounded girl and I wouldn’t mind her being my daughters friend. Her parents seem to be VERY proud of her and her fans LOVE her. I LOVE MILEY CYRUS, EMINEM AND BRET MICHAELS!!! If you don’t like my blog, get off it!

WARNING: Sappy, Lovey, Dovey Shit Inside: Read If You Dare

2010-05-03T09:27:00.003-04:00

Its not very often that I get sappy. I'm not a girlie girl. I'd rather watch/play football than go shopping. Hell, I'd rather have my eye lashes plucked out by something from one of my horror movies. But this weekend, I was thinking all sappy, lovey, dovey shit and figured I'd share.

If I had one wish, I'd wish....well, to be honest I'd wish that I had enough money to live comfortably and give my children the best life possible. BUT since I'm broke as hell and no one I know has lots of money they're giving to me when they die...I wish everyone could experience 'The Love' just once.

I was talking to my daughter the other day and we were listening to the radio when a Tim McGraw song came on...he says something about never forgetting your first love. I told my daughter that I've never forgotten mine...she thought I was talking about her daddy and as much as I do love him, he's not my first love.

Brent Williamson was my first love. He was my first serious boyfriend when I was 15-17. We went to the same high school together and he was FINE!!! He had blonde hair and brown eyes...kinda reminded me of John Schneider and I LOVED me some Bo Duke when I was growing up. Brent reminded me of Bo. We did some pretty crazy things, but I honestly did love him. It broke my heart when we moved to a different city and we ended breaking up. But yes, Brent Williamson was my first love.

Fast forward MANY years and I was gobsmacked when I met Craig. Craig is everything different. He's dark. His eyes, his hair and his skin (his NATURAL tan? I LOVE IT!). His sense of humor. He enjoys the same things I do, except reading...I LOVE to read, he could live without it...unless its AJC or about the DAWGS.

He's the father of my 3 children and he's been my husband for 14 years. I've never thought I'd be married this long...to the same person. When I pictured my life growing up, I had my large passel of kids, but I never saw a dad in the picture. I grew up with a single mother and not a real father figure around - that could be why I never saw a dad for my kids.

As young girls we read about the happily ever after, which BTW is a crock of BULLSHIT! I've never believed in happily ever after...happily until one of us gets tired of the other yes. but looking at Craig outside playing Frisbee with the kids, 'helping' them play on the XBox, playing Uno or even just giving a kid a hug. My heart felt this weird unexplainable feeling...

SAP!!! It was feeling SAPPY!!!! UGH! I've lived my WHOLE life without the SAP!!! Why now?!?!?! My inner voice was screaming! But my heart was melting just a little...until Craig turned his head to me and winked! He freaking WINKED at me and my heart flipped! Many of you know that my marriage hasn't always been a happy one, but we've fought for it and that's what's made us who we are.

As a mother you fight for your children. As a friend you fight for the wrong felt by another. As a wife, you fight for {and occasionally with} your husband. But if you honestly deep down in the black pit of your heart love your mate - you fight everything and everyone together. I thought my heart was a black hole, but somehow over the last 15 years Craig has filled that hole. With laughter, children and love. THAT'S True Love.

Don't get me wrong, just because I'm feeling this today, doesn't mean that I won't snap your freaking head off tomorrow! I just wanted people to know that I actually DO have a heart! And I do know the meaning of love and happiness and snark! This is disgusting...I've gotta go kick someone or yell at someone...

UPDATE and Other Random Stuff

2010-04-20T14:07:00.003-04:00

Working where I work is AWESOME! That whole birth certificate thing I was stressing over yesterday? Well, I told my boss that I might have to drive with Hubs to Texas (this was BEFORE we realized Step-Spawn could drive) and would need a couple of days off to do it...she got on the phone to her husband and asked what she could do...he gave her a number for someone who apparently is a magician. I got an e-mail yesterday at 4pm saying that the certificate was in Fed-Ex and we should get it today...we got his birth certificate today!!!!

HAPPY 420 Day ya'll!!! Yes, I know its illegal but its cool to say! If you're not 'hip' {snort - like I am SO freaking hip!!! LOL} you may not know what 420 stands for. 420 is code for pot. And according to Huffington Post it started in the 70's in California...SHOCKING isn't it?!?!?!

I'm NOT Driving!

2010-04-19T13:21:00.002-04:00

Guess who gets to drive ALL the way to Austin, Texas this week? No - NOT me! (see headline).

Apparently there's this new law that you have to have your birth certificate and your social security card to renew your license in my great state...only problem? Hubby was born in Texas and he doesn't have his birth certificate.

We sent the money to Austin to have them end us a copy of it...they won't get to his request until sometime next week because they're 6-8 weeks behind on their requests. Another problem? Hubs NEEDS his license to work. He's a truck driver with a CDL, he brings home the money AND the bacon - I just fry the latter in a pan. Without his job we'd be homeless...

SO...unless my boss can work magic in the next 24 hours, Hubs is driving 871.70 miles and 13hrs 44 minutes to get his birth certificate. His dad was going to drive out with him, to help...then he couldn't. I was asked and said yes, but I'm taking NEXT Tuesday off for Earth Day field trip with our 4th grader.

Obviously we're not the brightest bulbs in the pack becaue neither one of us thought of the OTHER driver we have in the house...Step-Spawn to the rescue! So now, hubs and Step-Spawn are driving out to Austin tomorrow afternoon and hopefully by Thursday he'll have a valid license and his job still.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed that what we need my boss can help us with. Apparently her husband is the Vital Records Guru and knows people who know people who might be able to get it here quicker, because according to him (and I quote) "Texas is just weird"...because they wouldn't fax a copy over to me and WON'T do anything until next week...Keep 'em crossed people!

P.S. The views of other people are NOT mine! Personally, I think EVERYONE is weird, some just WAY more than others!

I LOVE Being A Woman...

2010-04-06T10:55:00.004-04:00

But I HATE being female! 20-25 days out of the month, I'm normal (or whatever passes for normal these days) but the OTHER 5-10 days...I'm a FREAKING EMOTIONAL WRECK!!!

NORMAL DAYS:
I do NOT cry over every little thing
I do NOT have the top of my head pop off for a minor infraction (for example: Step-Spawn NOT making tea before he goes to bed even AFTER dad has told him to - therefore NO tea in the mornings for younger brother Spawn to have with breakfast {I KNOW they should probably be drinking juice or something healthy - sue me!})
I do NOT want to slaughter every person on the road getting in my way as I go to work.
I'm a half way pleasant person

FREAKING EMOTIONAL WRECK DAYS:
I DO cry over every little thing (even squirrels dead on the highway)
The top of my head blows COMPLETELY off over EVERYTHING!
I want more than anything the idiot who cut me off to get something VERY nasty and crap himself at work...

Here's the thing: Last night I woke up CRYING my eyes out over a bad dream that involved my daughter. I know, mother's intuition is a strong thing and I DO listen to mine. I called my mom {EVERYONE knows that NO good can come from a phone call in the middle of the night}. She didn't answer - her sleep meds. No big, I texted her and said I was just a little worried about Katie. The FREAKING EMOTIONAL WRECK (FEW) side of me wouldn't let me sleep. The dream kept playing over and over in my head and it kept getting worse!

When Katie was born the doc was in a hurry to start her vacation and put one of those vacuum things on Katie's head (she was stuck), put BOTH feet at the end of my bed and yanked...hard...twice! The thing slipped off her head both times and now she has a mark on her head. Her pediatrician at the time thought it looked a little wrong, so he had it biopsied when she was 18 months old.

THAT place didn't use anything to numb it and yanked an inch of this thing out of her head...then they couldn't get it to stop bleeding...NICE!!! Anyway, she's had this birthmark on her head and its been fine...until the other day when Katie came to me and said it was itching. I lifted her mane of hair and yes, the spot was a little red. It wasn't feverish, but it did itch a little.

THAT was what started the dream. It wasn't a pleasant one, obviously. This dream kept playing in my head and getting worse and worse! I was freaking CRYING my eyes out over something that I THOUGHT about! See why I HATE being female? At about 2AM the RATIONAL part of my brain had finally had enough! It bitch slapped the FEW side and said: "That spot is probably irritated because she recently colored her hair...RED!! You stoopid moron! Now quit the freaking crying and let us get some sleep!"

See?!?!?! When I'm rational and actually THINK about things, I know she's fine and nothing is gonna happen to her. If there was something wrong, my mom would've called me in a heartbeat! Katie called at 6:30 this morning. As soon as I heard her, "Hey, Mommy" I knew everything was OK. The FEW side of me? Yeah - she was crying in a corner until I talked to Katie.

The moral of the story: don't let your kids out of your sight when you're being 'FEMALE'!

The Time Has Come...

2010-03-12T08:55:00.006-05:00

You see that beautiful girl in the photos above? That’s my Katie…she’s 13 today and I’m a complete wreck! I was 24 when I had her and I was scared out of my mind! My mom and husband were in the delivery room with me, making sure I was breathing and trying not to scream. When the doc pulled her out I looked between her legs to make sure she was a girl, because even though I had 3 sonograms I could NEVER tell what she was – her hands were covering herself or she was turned on her back. At first glance I thought she was a boy…things were swollen and I was drugged – leave me alone!

But when they put her tiny body in my arms, my heart melted when I looked into her blue eyes. I kissed her tiny heart shaped lips and gave her her name…Rachel Katheryn. Rachel because I love the story of Rachel and Jacob in the Bible (yes, I DO read the Bible…shuudup) and Katheryn for my mother.

Knowing I was putting this post up I asked her Daddy to tell me how he felt knowing he was having another baby and then knowing she was a girl…this is what he said…Of course I was scared! I knew having a little girl was going to be different in the way I raised her and how I watch over her and protect her. And it didn’t help my cause her growing into the most beautiful female ever created…

Well said Daddy, well said.

Katie – you’re growing into a beautiful young woman and I don’t like it! I can’t stop it! But then again, I don’t want to. Yes, you aggravate the holy SHIT outta your brothers and you make me wonder sometimes if you’re human and not an alien, but then I watch you take up for some wrong that happened to Ryan or even Brad and I know that you’re being the best big sister you know how.

13 was a TOUGH year for me. I don’t want it to be for you, but you have to start taking responsibility for your actions. The school situation is going to get better – you’re GOING to do what you need to, to make sure I don’t come sit in with you – because you KNOW I will! You have so many dreams and things you want to do, things you wanna see. I want to share ALL of that with you! I want your dreams to come true! I want you to be successful in ANYTHING you do! But your education is NON-NEGOTIABLE!

Being a teenager is fun and knowing you’re getting closer to being able to get a job and make your own way in the world is exciting. Do me a favor? Savor your youth. Have fun being a kid! QUIT GROWING UP SO DAMN FAST!!!

I love you, my girl! We’re going to have a TOUGH row to hoe these next few years. I can’t promise we won’t get into screaming matches. I can’t promise that you won’t be grounded for your grades. I can’t promise that Daddy and I won’t be angry with you for something…but I CAN promise that no matter what, we’ll always LOVE YOU! You are my first born and my only daughter; I want our relationship to be different. It won’t be, but a mother can dream – can’t she?

Loving you is so easy…most of the time. I know when we tell you to do something you roll your eyes and suck your teeth, but we’re not beating you, we’re not starving you and you even have clean clothes and a bed to sleep in at night. You have a good life, you may hate it at times when you can’t do what you want – but you do have a good life. I want that to continue, so remember…to make it to 14 all you have to do is:

1) Keep your grades above a D
2) Keep your room clean
3) Do your chores when you’re told

I love you and I can’t WAIT to see Alice and have dinner with you and Lacy tonight. I'll have a little more to post on Monday - something from the rest of our family.

I Love You, Lil' Bit!!!

ITS COMING.....

2010-03-10T08:48:00.002-05:00

This Friday....

I'll be the mother of a...

TEENAGER!!!!!

IT'S A GIRL!!!!

2010-02-17T09:47:00.006-05:00

NO! I'm NOT pregnant! I figured out what caused that AFTER I had my third child (and fixed that problem QUICKLY). BUT, we do have a new addition to our family...

THIS is Roxy. She's our new puppy. We THINK she's a Jack Russell Terrier (when she stands still for a few minutes, I'll take another picture of her). She also THINKS my step-spawn is her person. He's not, he doesn't even like her - but he's 19, he doesn't like much of anything.

We didn't tell the kids we'd gotten her - they were away for the WHOLE weekend!!! When they got home yesterday she was a surprise for them, along with new beds and sheets - but that's another story. I was on the phone with the Youngest when he saw her (Mom, there's a DOG in the house! Yes, honey - I know. You got us a DOG?!?!?!). They were SO excited that we'd FINALLY gotten them a dog!

We decided to let THEM name her. We had Bella or Belle (which is foreign for Beautiful - NOT Twatlight). We had Mary. We had Undertaker. Diva. Jack. Sparrow. Elizabeth. Swan (still Pirates, NOT Twatlight). Black Pearl (there is a theme I'm sure). They shot down all my Shakespere ideas (I was HELPING). Then there was Rex, Rocks, Ruby, Max, Dora, Blue, Magenta (you'd think I had a house full of toddlers!). Finally, I pulled ROXY outta my head. They thought on it a minute and they all AGREED!!! Apparently, my children like Chicago (said with jazz hands).

Last night, I did get the ultimate thrill out of walking into the living room and saying to Girl Child, "You wanted that puppy, right?"

"Yes", she said with trepidation

"You're going to help take care of her and love her, right?" I said with a smile

"Yes, she's the best little do-wait, why?", she said with a little distain

"She peed on the floor in front of the bathroom door. Yes, it was CLOSE to the bathroom, but she's a DOG. YOU get to clean it!" I said with more than a little excitement (I think my HUGE grin gave it away)

So, I've lost my freaking mind by brining a PUPPY into the house, but seeing the smiles on their faces and hearing them laugh when she plays with them...it MAY be worth the headache of bringing a LIVE animal into my house...MAYBE!!!

Facebook Etiquette

2010-02-11T08:12:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I've gone to the dark side...I've put myself on Facebook. I fought as hard as I could to stay away from it. I've been waterboarded and tickle tortured until I caved. Now I have a question....

Do I HAVE to accept a firends reqest from Hubby's ex-wife?!?! I mean this bitch from the lowest depths of hell actually got upset that Hubby and I both declined her friends request. I mean seriously?!?!?!?! WTF?!?!?! Hubs and I have been together for almost 15 years - 15 YEARS!!!

The only contact he had with her was when their boys were younger and he HAD to have contact with her. They're now 21 and 19! He agress with me, he doesn't talk to her or ANYTHING. What's REALLY sad? She called Youngest Step-Spawn and was whining to him that we haven't accpted her request and ignored her every attempt...

BITCH - back the fuck off! You left him and have ALL your friends believing he beat you - he's NEVER laid a hand on me or my kids...hmm, you're just a lying whore! I got him, GET over it! Just because you're fat and ugly and can only get a BI-guy to fuck your fat ass doesn't mean we have to still have you in our lives. GO AWAY!!!

So my question is: Am I breaking some kind of Facebook rule by NOT accepting her as my friend? Will I get blackballed from Facebook because I don't like ugly, fat, cheating whores? {Myself excluded, of course!}

Thank you for all your help.

Sincerely,
The Crazy Lady Who Writes This Blog

Mother of the Year, Here I Come!!!

2010-01-29T11:04:00.009-05:00

I asked Hubs if I could blog about what happened at our house last night, he said yes as long as I clarify something. Hubs and I BOTH watch porn, its interesting to me. I enjoy when Hubs comes up with different ways for us to have sex, our sex life is AWESOME!!!! We've been together for almost 15 years, so I think that its cool that we still actually like each other enough to enjoy ourselves....

Girl Child gets my cell phone in the evenings to chat with her friends and such. She needed to ask me something last night and knocked on my door. I was playing Free Cell on the computer and didn't think anything about her just coming in, so I said, "Come in!" When she opened the door, she screamed and said, "Turn the computer around!!!"

When I looked at the screen I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D to find that the PORN was still on the screen!!! Daddy was in the bathroom and said, "You see where I am, don't ya Girl Child. that stuff on the computer is your MOM'S" That was SO not true! She asked me why i was watching something so gross and that she couldn't BELIEVE I'd do something like that! But it was DADDY that was watching it! How did I get blamed for it?!?!?!
THEN Middle Child screamed from the kids bathroom, comes running into my room and says, "You HAVE to come kill this for me"
I walk into the bathroom and THIS is what I have to kill:

Its a FUCKING spider!!! A SPIDER!!!! I HATE SPIDERS!!! Girl Child says, without missing a beat,
"THIS is your punishment for scaring me for the rest of my life! I CAN NOT B-E-L-I-E-V-E my mom watches porn, THEN blames it on my dad!!!"

So ladies and gentlemen, the moral of this story: If your spouse watches porn and you wanna play Free Cell and NOT scar your children for life...minimize the porn.

SCREW YOU!!!

2010-01-27T15:07:00.003-05:00

No, not ya'll....THOSE people!

I was in Wally World the other day shopping with my family. My four children {yes, this INCLUDES my husband} were doing stupid, crazy things behind me and I was just walking along putting the dinners we were having this week in my buggy, without a care in the world. I occasionally told them to keep it down, but I let them have their fun...

My daughter comes up behind me and grabs my ass…I squeal like a chipmunk and we all start laughing because Girl Child’s face was one of wonder and confusion. Yes, she grabbed my ass – what she wasn’t expecting was the SQUEEE! that escaped my throat. It took her and the shoppers around us by surprise and we got some dirty looks.

The little FSU whore walking around with her short, shorts (ok, so I’m making a judgment call…they were showing the curve of her ASS!!!) and hoochie shirt rolled her eyes and sighed REALLY loud! Youngest asked what her problem was (yes, he TRIED to whisper, but didn’t get it quite low enough and she heard him – but he’s 8) and I looked right at her face with her make up caked on and said, “She just doesn’t know how to have fun” and promptly walked away.

What is it with you people? Can’t you see that we’re not actually out to ruin your shopping experience, just make ours more fun?! My family tends to do things to try to embarrass each other…in public…mostly in Wally World.

Daddy walks around making all kinds of noises, acting like he’s got some kind of disorder and if Girl Child is flipping out because he’s embarrassing her – we high five each other.

Middle Child walks behind me asking all sorts of questions and to make it entertaining to ME, I tell him something off the wall…
”Mom, why’s bread white?”
“Because the Matrix says so, honey”
“Will Neo save us soon, Mommy?” he asks without missing a beat…

Youngest Child is the one who has us ALL in stitches. He runs up and down the isle SINGING…either the Dora the explorer song (to which we ALL join in) or something he’s heard off the radio, giggling when he gets looks from ‘normal’ people.

My family is loud, my family is crazy, but my family is MINE! We’re not out wreaking too much havoc, we’re not starting riots, we’re not abusing our children…we’re trying to teach them that you can be as silly as you wanna be, as long as you’re YOU! Don’t worry what other people think of you, your mom and dad think you’re the BEST kid EVER and it doesn’t hurt that you’re my kids.

My husband on the other hand, can I trade him in? KIDDING!!! He makes me laugh and sometimes when I’m at work and he’s at his job he’ll text me something and I can’t help but laugh. My family may drive me crazy and we may look like the Beverly Hillbillies, without the Beverly Hills, but we do love each other…usually. Ask me tomorrow and my story may be different…AHHH, the joys of being a mom/wife!

Open Letter To The South...

2010-01-08T09:13:00.002-05:00

Dear Fellow Southerners,

Whatever you did to piss Mother Nature off, please apologize! I live in Florida...its supposed to be the Sunshine State...it is now the Frostbitten State. It was 16 degrees here Tuesday, wanna know the temp in Maine on the same day? 29!!! It was freaking COLDER here in FLORIDA than MAINE!!! Bangor, Maine (Hello, Stephen King!!! I Love your books! Except IT - did you know Clowns are EVIL?!?!? Just Sayin'...) was warmer than Tallahassee, FLORIDA!!!

Thank You,
Freezin My Ass Off

I QUIT!!!

2009-12-03T12:42:00.006-05:00

Now before everyone gets their panties in a wad, lemme explain…

I started taking a no smoking class here at my job. My quit date was November 17th and I am happy to say…I NEVER should have stopped!!! I’m KIDDING of course, but the last couple of days have REALLY tried my coping with the non smoking cravings.

I get told Tuesday by the after school program that my 10 yr old is in, that he went ballistic and started hitting himself in the stomach, clawing at his belly and hitting himself upside the head. Why? Because he’s a little chunkier than the rest of the kids and he hates being fat! He can’t run as fast as everyone else and he’s a fat looser!

I have NEVER told my child that! Kids are HORRIBLE people! They pick on other kids who they deem un-cool and don’t realize what they’re doing is hurtful! I try to reinforce positive things to my children, but nothing has worked. I’m seriously looking into getting my son help…he’s 10 yrs old and I’ll be DAMNED if he’s going to end up the next Ted Bundy or even Jeffery Dahmer…1 in 5 could possibly be a serial killer…if I’m not careful Middle Son will be the one I raise.

Girl Child is about to get on my LAST freaking NERVE!!! Today has been the day from HELL!!! I found out this morning that she didn’t get her H1N1 shot that they were giving away for FREE at her school. Why? SHE tells me her teacher took her name off the list because the teacher overheard Girl Child telling another girl about some chic dying from getting the shot and didn't know if she really wanted to get one.

I know that there is a LOT of controversy regarding this shot…I’m getting it for my children because Youngest Child has BAD respiratory problems when he gets sick (he had pneumonia when he was 18 mos. and his right lung almost collapsed) and I honestly don’t want my children dying before I can horrify them by embarrassing them in High School (I have high aspirations, huh).

Anyway, Girl Child and I had a HUGE blow up fight this morning. Resulting in my calling the school to talk to the principal and the teacher who took her off the list. I talked to the nurse and apparently Girl Child’s name wasn’t on the list to begin with…I did NOT need to hear that! The nurse heard me screaming at Girl Child. The nurse explains that for two days in a row she's gotten on the loud speaker and said “If anyone has NOT gotten the shot and you turned in the permission slip, please come to the Media Center"...TWO days in a row the ‘all call’ was put out...Girl Child didn’t go…why? She doesn’t know!

She’s making decisions that aren’t hers to make. I (THE MOTHER) made the decision to get my children a preventative shot and SHE decides because she doesn’t like needles that she’s not going to get it?!?! OH HELL NO!!! Now guess who has to get up on SATURDAY morning to spend ALL day at the Health Department...

She called me earlier today to come and get her from school. Her stomach hurts. I said No. Now, I feel like a freaking heel because I’m not the perfect mother who does everything right. I don’t want to have the kind of relationship with my daughter that I had with my mom. I don’t want my Oldest son growing up to be profiled by the FBI. I don’t want my Youngest son growing up thinking he can bully his way into getting what he wants…have I done something wrong as a parent?

My children haven’t even gotten to the horrible teenage years and I’m already a basket case…I guess I was one BEFORE I had kids…they just made it worse! UGH!!! If I had the means, I’d SO be buying BOXES of wine…maybe I’ll drown my sorrows this weekend. Hey, maybe Jose and Jack aren't busy...even if they are, I could always call the Captain...

My Weekend

2009-11-16T09:44:00.004-05:00

Saturday morning, the birds are singing, the sun is shining and I'm CRAWLING out of bed...we went to the Fair the night before. The Midnight Madness, you pay $20 to get in and ride all you want from 10p-2a. My family L-O-V-E-S Family fun night at the fair...mom and dad? Yeah, not so much.

I have bruises and knots in places that I didn't know existed. I rode rides that I should've left to the teens, but when you have 4 children (we took Girl Child's Bestie) begging you to ride and a 40-yr old husband telling you that your chicken if you DON'T get on it, you HAVE to ride!

Our children rode more rides this year than ANY combined! The boys were tall enough to ride, so we rode almost EVERYTHING as a family. Hubby says the four bruises I have on my outer thigh look like fingers...trust me - NONE of the carnies had what it takes to touch me...much less bruise me! Yes, I AM shallow! I prefer my men to actually HAVE teeth!

We got home at 2:15AM. The children tumbled into their beds and fell FAST asleep...Hubs was snoring before the first child lay their head down...me? I was up until 3AM!!! Thankfully the next day was Saturday, my day off. My day to do NOTHING!!! I could sleep in!!!

9AM: Lisa woke me up by taking a picture of me sleeping...she then sent it off to my husband and her boyfriend...thanks, Lisa! We were enjoying a cup of coffee when we heard Destiny screaming...

A couple of weeks ago, the kids milked Bryon out of $40 at the flea market {way to go guys!!!}. He bought the boys toy guns, you know the kind that make LOTS of LOUD noise? Yeah, he got those...he hasn't quite figured out yet why all the kids noisy toys don't make noise (here's a hint: Mommy took the FREAKING BATTERIES OUT!!!).

So the boys were over in the neighbors yard (they've moved...I'm not THAT mean...) playing with their guns and Destiny is with them being their 'stuperfisor' when we hear her scream...

We look out the window and hear her say, "I'm tellin and you can't stop me!" Lisa asks out the window, "Destiny, what's wrong?"

"Well, John said I couldn't tell and I told him Yeth I could! So I came over here to tell on him becauthe I could!"
"What are you telling on him for, Destiny?"
"Uh, well. Um...I don't know!!!"

******************************************************************************************************************

Last night I put a load of laundry in the washing machine. I text Girl Child and ask her if she'll put the clothes in the dryer before she goes to bed {Yes, we're in the same house, but I've lost my voice (screaming at the top of my lungs at the Fair friday Night) and yelling isn't an option - neither is getting Hubs to yell for her, he's in NyQuil La-La Land. Of course I COULD get out of bed and talk to her myself...yeah - RIGHT!). She asks me if I want her to start it too. uh, yeah... About 9:15 (15 minutes AFTER Girl Child is SUPPOSED to be in bed) I hear the washing machine going.

Me:"Girl Child, I asked you to put the clothes in the DRYER! Not wash them again"
GC:"But they had soap on them because they hadn't been washed yet"
Me:"Oh, I guess I forgot to start the washer after your brothers got out of the shower. OK, well I'll let you stay up a little later if you'll put them in the dryer and START it after they get done washing."

Well, at least I can say that my children get their absent mindedness honestly...I'll put up Fair pics soon!

Apology To My Husband....

2009-11-13T09:32:00.008-05:00

I have to apologize to my husband, its not going to be easy to do...

Backstory:

Girl Child and I were in the car listening to the radio and Carrie Underwood's 'All-American Girl' came on. She asked me if she was an All American Girl, I said yes. Then I explained to her that All-American Girl means that she was born here, raised here and loved everything American.

Yesterday:

We were driving in the car taking an evening ride. The whole family was there; Hubs, Me, Girl Child, Middle Boy Child and Youngest Son.

Girl Child: Lacey's not an All American Girl like I am because she's part Irish or Scottish, or one of those "-ishs"

Me: What do you mean? She was born here in the States, right?

GC: Yes, in the 'Glades

Me: And her parents are US citizens, right?

GC: Yes, but since her people are from overseas she's not All-American

Me: Uh, honey...YOUR ancestors are from overseas...unless they've JUST gotten off the boat most of the people living in the US now are ALL AMERICAN

GC: But you said I was All-American

Me: You are, but so is Lacey!

GC: I don't get it...

Me: Is THIS how you feel when you're talking to me?
Hubs: Yes and now I know where she gets it from! {he got punched in the arm for that comment}

She wasn't getting what I was trying to tell her and I think that made her mad (woo-hoo!). The reason I'm apologizing to my husband? Now I know how he feels when he's trying to tell me something and it takes me a few minutes to 'get it'....like he wants to pull every hair outta his head.

So honey, I'M SORRY!!!

Good Old Fashioned Family Time...

2009-11-03T08:20:00.006-05:00

This is my bestie, Lisa...she's screaming because the mud is going thru her toes...she has some of me that I'll share later.

From left to right: Hubs, Ryan, Bryon (Lisa's boytoy), Brad, Katie's Bestie Lacey, Katie and Lisa's oldest John...Wait! Where's Destiny?!?!?!?

Believe it or not, Katie DOES like her pics taken...

There's Miss Destiny!

ALL the rotten spawnage!!! Don't they look sweet? Yeah, RIGHT!!!

Ryan - He LOVES Rock and Roll!!! AND the DAWGS!

These three...they will be the DEATH of Lisa and I!!!!

These next shots are of the boys playing catch at the house...they love football:

From My Mom...

2009-10-19T09:35:00.002-04:00

This time 40 (nah, just kidding) 37 years ago, I was a terrified 16 year old about to embark on the journey of a lifetime, and believe me I was terrified. My family called themselves being supportive, but not really. My husband was useless, and I was alone basically about to bring a new life into this world. I know that you don't believe that I love you, but I loved you from the moment I saw you. Even though I had no clue, I knew that you were my heart. I know that I made mistakes, major ones, and that I failed you on more than one occasion (and I don't need you to say, no you didn't, because I know that I did). But I do love you and I've always loved you. And it hurts me to know that our relationship is not what it should be and I know it hurts you too, even if you won't admit. And I know that it's mostly my fault, but I can't change the past, I wish that I could. Just please remember that you are my firstborn and even if I failed to show it at times, no mother has ever loved a child more than I love you. I didn't say this to make you cry, just to let you know that I do love you very much. And I'm sorry for any pain that I caused you and mistakes that I made that changed your life and your opinion of yourself.

Love,

Mom

MY Day

2009-10-19T08:56:00.003-04:00

Today is my birthday, yes - I'm OLD! Yesterday, we took our spawn to the park...we also took pictures, I figured it was my prerogative to share...Enjoy

We may not have alot, but this family LOVES each other! What more can a mom ask for?

This one is my FAVORITE of Daddy and Girl Child

The boys, I LOVE the face on Youngest Child...

I HATE GETTING OLD!!!!!!!

2009-10-14T09:37:00.004-04:00

UPDATE: My WONDERFUL mother found the website for me!!! They have BEAUTIFUL sterling silver jewelry and its CHEAP!!!! Check it out:
http://sea-island-jewelry.com/index.html

I will be closer to 40 Monday...

I am looking for a jewelry store in Charleston, South Carolina. This place is on Market Street and sells the prettiest silver jewelry and its CHEAP!!! $20 for a sand dollar pendant/necklace. They fix the jewelry for FREE!!! I've had my pendant and chain for YEARS and its broken twice...this time I can't find the freaking address to send it back to get it fixed!

I know, I can hear you rolling your eyes and asking, "Why don't you just drive to Charleston and get it fixed over a weekend?" You'd think it was that easy! But see, there's this witch that lives in Mt. Pleasant that I can't STAND!!! Yes, Charleston is a big city and Mt. Pleasant is just a bridge away...the problem? There is NO state in the union that is big enough for the two of us. The WITCH that I'm talking about is Hubs ex...I really don't like her.

It has NOTHING to do with the fact she called me fat when I was pregnant with our first child ("You know, CSY, you don't look pregnant - just fat"*) {I almost slapped the caked on blue and pink eye shadow from the 80's right off her ugly face}, or the fact that every time their oldest did something wrong she called Hubs...WHAT IN THE HELL is he supposed to do 300 miles away? SHE'S the one who let them get away with murder...but I digress...

ANYHOO!!! I'm searching high and low looking for this jewelry store. ALL over the Internet. It would help if I could find the business card that had their web-site on it. It would also help if I could remember the name of the store...

It sucks getting old!

*It bugged the HELL out of her that I was 3 times skinnier than her when I met Hubs. She was just mad that I could still see my toes!!!

CONGRATULATIONS! It's A Boy!

2009-10-05T08:38:00.008-04:00

Thursday, October 4th 2001 - 9AM
Midwife: So, you ready to have this baby?
Me: SERIOUSLY?!?! I mean after all the false labors, am I ready for this thing to come out? YES!!! I'm waddling EVERYWHERE!
Midwife: Then make the phone calls, don't eat anything after midnight and I'll see you in at 6AM, we're gonna get this baby out of you. Your blood pressure is too high.

I make the round of phone calls to my mom who lived in Florida and my husband who was on the road - "We're having a baby tomorrow! Get here as soon as you can if you wanna be there for the birth!"

Friday, October 5th 2001 - I was used to this, this was going to be my third (and LAST) child. I knew what I was doing...I got all the nastiness out of the way. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Men, I don't wanna upset your picture of us moms...yes, we ARE superheros!

I had EVERYONE coming to see me! My mom and sister were there, all 3 of my brothers and their wives/girlfriends. My grandmother, Aunt, SCORES of cousins and a few friends. I entertained everyone most of the day...by 7:30pm, I was EXHAUSTED! My midwife came in, assessed me, put me on the labor inducing meds and left to get her dinner...

I'd made a deal with this bundle of joy, if he came BEFORE Law & Order he'd ALWAYS be my favorite! The contractions were coming closer and closer together. The nurse checked me again and decided to break my water...30 minutes later (and almost with NO midwife), Reid Bradford slipped into my arms.

My mom was at my head, hubs near my knees. We were breathing and pushing and grunting with the effort. I looked at my husband and noticed he'd turned a very pretty shade of green...my mom caught his eye and asked if he'd like to trade spots...I've only seen hubs be 'girlie' a couple of times and his older boys were at the heart of the 'girlie moment'...I seriously thought he'd faint. He came to my head and kissed me on the forehead saying, "I'm glad to be up here"

When Reid Bradford popped out the doc asked Hubs if he wanted to cut the cord, he begged off. She turned to my mom and handed her the scissors...this baby was the first one she'd cut the cord...she'd been there when my daughter and older son were born, it was only natural that she be there for this one, all 8lbs. 4.5oz of him.

Son, you're 8 today and looking at you sleeping this morning I couldn't believe where the time had gone. We had a scary moment when you were 18 months old and your right lung almost collapsed. You stayed in the hospital for 3 days, I cried.

You're the baby of this wild and crazy bunch and I hope that you turn out OK...if not, its your DAD'S fault! The other kids get mad when you want your way...that you don't get all the time. You are the child that makes me giggle for no reason. You knock on my bedroom door and when I open it you're standing there with a goofy grin on your face and you say something silly...then you run away giggling like crazy.

I've begged your sister, threatened your brother, now I'm not kidding...you don't need to grow up so freaking fast! You need to slow down and let me enjoy your being a kid! You and your siblings aggravate the holy piss out of me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Just slow down!!!

I love you, Reid Bradford! Even if you DO look just like your Daddy! You're going to be a heart breaker when you grow up!

P.S. This is in response to Susan's comment: Oh, HELL yes there were drugs!!! THIS time they got me at 5cm, so it was effective and felt nothing when Brad (its what we call him) was born. They also expected me to keep the epidural needle in while I selpt that night...I had my tubes tied the next morning. When the attendants came to get me ready for 'surgery', they had to give me a drug to numb me BEFORE they put the epidural back in. One note: I actually REMEMBER singing "I Will Survive" while the doc was doing the tube tying business...Yes, I am officially crazy!

ONE Of Us Will Be Dead (or Grey) By The Time She's 18

2009-10-01T11:49:00.008-04:00

One of us won't make it to her 18th birthday and since I'm WAY past 18, it's gonna be her...maybe.

Everyone who knows my family, knows that my kids are good kids. Girl Child has tested my resolve in that regard, but you know what? We're gonna be fine! I'll have a head full of grey hair by then but it'll be OK, right?

Hubs and I brought her into our room and pulled up what she'd done wrong. I told her that she could have a MySpace page when she was 13 but there were rules. I found her MySpace page the other night...she's 12. We told her we weren't mad, but she'd broken a rule. We asked for, and got, her email address and password for her MySpace page. We looked at her page...I thought we'd find some smutty, older girl stuff...WHEW!!!

NOTHING like that was on her page! HUGE (inner) sigh of relief. We're letting her keep the page up, but we have the password and will know if she gets back on before her restrictions are up.

We explained to her that we weren't really TRYING to ruin her life or embarrass her, but GOOD parents did that. GOOD parents protected their children from the monsters lurking under the bed or on the Internet. We know where she goes, who she goes with, how long she's staying and that a parent will be there at ALL times. We protect her as much as we can from the outside world, but when she's on the Internet she's letting them into our house and the only way Daddy and I can protect her from them is to actually SEE what's she's doing.

I hope we got our point across...she knows I have friends that can and WILL find whatever she's doing on the computer. I've scared her with moving her away from her friends and threatened (promised) her eviction from her room, I'm doing the best I can to raise a strong woman, but she HAS to slow down and enjoy being a kid for a little while longer. I know she'll be grown before I can blink, but for now I get to hold on to my little girl. I Love You, Girl Child...more than you know, but when you have your first child you'll know that love first hand.

My Daughter Is Moving To The Great Outdoors

2009-09-29T12:04:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I had a talk with Girl Child this morning....

"I know that you've been falling asleep in the afternoons instead of doing what you're supposed to be doing"

HUGE SIGH and MAJOR eye roll.

"I also know that its 7:30 in the morning and you're not awake yet, but I'm only going to tell you this once...your room WILL be cleaned, to MY specifications, before you go to bed Friday night. You will NOT put everything into a garbage bag and throw it into your brothers closet (for me to find 6 months later and see WHY their room is being taken over by flies...FOOD in the garbage bags!). You WILL get the kitchen cleaned and SWEPT BEFORE 9 tonight. Because if your room ISN'T cleaned before you go to bed Friday night you will NOT be going to the animal shelter for your volunteer hours and you WILL fail that class. You fail, you get stuck in your room. Your Daddy put you on restrictions for the month for your grades. I will put you on restrictions for the rest of the school year and make sure you don't EVER have any fun...EVER! One other thing, if that room isn't cleaned like I want it, you will be sleeping in the yard and one of your brothers will get your room. You can roll your eyes and think I'm being a bitch and that all these rules are bullshit, I don't care. It will be done, or you WILL be sleeping in the yard. Your room is DISGUSTING and I'm NOT putting up with it."

I didn't yell at her, I didn't even have ANY emotion to my voice. I know she doesn't take me seriously, but I'm not giving her empty threats, I AM sick to death of her room. When I win my Mother of the Year award, I'll thank my daughter cuz she's the one responsible for it.

I need a case...I mean glass of wine.

Lil Bit O' Randomness

2009-09-28T13:54:00.004-04:00

As I sit here this LOVELY Monday afternoon, I realize...I have NOTHING to write about! I mean, I have things on my mind and I have worries, but nothing to share...

Hubs and I had a 'date night' Saturday, it went...well! HEHEHEHE! We met some new people and gained some new friends, which is ALWAYS fun! Got a little more than drunk, Mommy Not Daddy - he was the DD. You know, I've NEVER had a hangover...the worst I got Sunday was a headache...plus I wanted to sleep...and I needed MORE coffee!!!!

Girl Child is grounded, has been for the last 2 weeks - she has 2 more left. I don't ask for much when it comes to my kids. I know what they are capable of in school...needless to say, Girl Child came home with 3 F's on her progress report 2 weeks ago. My jaw hit the floor! I talked to her, sent some e-mails to the teachers (little hint: kids HATE it when parents are in CONSTANT contact with teachers...do it - just to bug 'em!) and decided to meet with the teachers on Friday...Girl Child brought her grade up from a F to a B in 2 class periods!

Yes, my child is lazy...they ALL are, but they get it honest. I had a talk with her in front of her teachers and expressed my disbelief. I don't care if they bring home B's or C's...the D's and F's - NOT gonna happen! Girl Child has spoiled me, she has thru her entire school career brought home A's - THAT'S what I expect because I know THAT'S what she can do!

I was going to take her door off her bedroom, but the hinges and pin thingy are sealed shut with paint...so she has to keep her door OPEN, unless she's changing her clothes. She has to do her chores in the kitchen, clean her room and study...she is grounded for a month or until she can bring her grades up...

This weekend she talked me into taking her to our local animal shelter to volunteer because its a HUGE part of one of her grades. Because she's under 18 and they have prisoners around picking up trash, bathing the dogs and cleaning out their kennels, I had to stay with her. No big deal, we stayed for a couple of hours and decided we'd come back Sunday...HUGE mistake! Mommy wasn't feeling the dogs much yesterday...had a headache...wanted to sleep...STOP THE BARKING DOGS!!!

Middle Boy Child has something that the scorpions in my state LOVE! I don't know what it is, but he has it. He was stung AGAIN by a scorpion...TWICE!!! He was stung in the face and the arm this past weekend...I'm glad I don't live in Arizona...THOSE scorpions are deadly, ours here in Florida - they're just UGLY and MEAN! (stinging a kid in his sleep, I mean SERIOUSLY!!!)

Youngest Child is being a holy freaking terror, but that's to be expected. He LOVES to play and he LOVES to get loud...unless Mommy has had too much to drink the night before and if she hears ONE MORE kid screaming, we won't have them anymore!!!

I got a little toasted Saturday night. I didn't embarrass myself by throwing up, but I LOVED everyone! Sunday morning on the other hand, the only thing I coveted was sleep, ibuprofen and my coffee. I didn't get a lot of sleep cuz Girl Child needed volunteer hours and wanted to go back to the animal shelter...they have LOUD barking dogs there!!!

I'm crawling back under my rock now...as you were

I Have Some News...

2009-09-18T09:35:00.005-04:00

And I want to share, but I'm afraid to jinx it...I'll put up some pictures and maybe if I don't SAY it, it'll still happen.

Hubs says to me the other day, "I wanna go back to _____ in March. Do you think we can?"

Uh, YEAH!!! As long as we have the money, a babysitter to stay with the kids for a week (so they don't miss any school and cuz we're MEAN parents and won't take them with us...yet) and the time away from work won't kill either of our jobs...SO...here's where we wanna go....where I lost my heart. I fell in LOVE with this place when I was a child with BIG dreams, but never visited (until my 10th wedding anniversary) because I totally HATE, LOATHE big cities. I fell in love with one of the BIGGEST cities in the world and I'm a country girl.

Hey Ya'll!!! There's A VIRGIN In The Bloggo'sphere

2009-09-15T13:08:00.002-04:00

My best friend has a blog! She's a bloggy virgin, so please go check her out and treat her nicely! I'll know if you did or not!

My love to you all!!!

Here's her URL: http://bloggingbyme1978.blogspot.com/

Now GO!

As I Sit Here

2009-09-11T09:14:00.003-04:00

Thinking of inconsequential things, I start to wonder....exactly WHEN did I turn into my mother?!?!?! I looked in the mirror the other day and I saw my mom looking back at me.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my mom! She raised 5 children on her own with minimal help. We have a HUGE family...my mom is the oldest of 6 and we ALL multiply like rabbits! I am the oldest grandchild...there are between 25 and 30 of us! The great grands? I have NO earthly idea how many we have, but there's a BUNCH of them! My cousin has had 5 children before she turned 30! Yes, we're a bunch of ho's.

I'm perplexed...I used to be semi-smart....when did I get to be SO stupid?!?!?! I was talking to my mom the other day and I told her that I honestly thought having children sucked the smarts right out of a woman. I mean think about it!

Before I had children, I LOVED reading Shakespeare and talking about his sonnets and plays. I could actually hold an intelligent conversation with a college professor without feeling like I was talking in circles or that the people I was talking with thought I was dumber than dirt. I am a country girl, I was raised on a ranch in SOUTHERN California and Macon, GA. I KNOW that I am smart...but since having my children, I feel like every smart cell has gone.

I have friends with kids and we've had discussions about how kids dumb you down...why is that? I work with educated people, they have children, but at work...we're all a bunch of loonies! I'd LOVE to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around politics (I HATE POLITICS!), religion (I'm a heathen), sex, school or ANYTHING to do with the world of Hollywood and the tabloids.*

*My daughter wants to be an actress one day, so I HAVE to be up-to-date on my tabloid info.

I don't wanna be dumb anymore! Some one, PLEASE tell me that I'll get smart again once the demon spawn, I mean children, are out of my house!

Oy Vay!

2009-08-31T13:45:00.004-04:00

UPDATE:

Jason, the ac guy, came out and fixed my ac!!!! YAY!!!! I got to sleep in my OWN bed with the ac running AND (this is HUGE) it doesn't sound like a jet engine anymore...of course when we take the brick off the top of it, it takes off - but its silent. SO silent I thought for a few minutes that it'd gone out again, but no...IT WORKS!!! Yay for HAWT ac guys!!!

So, here we go again!!! I woke up from my mid-afternoon nap yesterday and was walking into the bathroom...wait a minute...there's something missing...

I cocked my head to the side to listen...no, there was NO noise coming from under my bathroom window...that's where the air conditioning unit is...this unit is LOUD!!! I mean jet engine getting ready for take off loud. But I couldn't hear anything...was I going deaf? No, because I could hear my spawn and their spawn friends yelling, screaming and laughing. AND I could hear 'Slow ride' being played for the millionth time on Guitar Hero.

Yep, you guessed it friends and neighbors...my a/c has gone out AGAIN!!! I'm sitting at my desk afraid to go potty or leave for any reason cuz the HAWT A/C guy is supposed to call...I WANT AIR CONDITIONING!!!

Yes, I DO realize there are people who don't have the luxuries I have...they don't live in the freaking SOUTH!!! I've lived in the South most of my life, so I KNOW how hot it can get. I was one of those kids that was sent outside as soon as the sun came up and couldn't come back in until it was suppertime.

My grandma would make a pile of PB&J sandwiches, a jug of Kool-Aid (the red kind...cuz we LOVED it!) and yell for us to "Come git it 'fore the dawgs do!" My grandmother has an accent, but not THAT bad...then we'd all come running from our game of hide and seek, eat lunch, drink the Kool-Aid, then go back to playing 'Thunder Cats'...but I'm too freaking OLD to enjoy the being smothered by a blanket when I walk out the door...I don't wanna SLEEP in it too!!!

So, here I sit waiting for the HAWT A/C guy to call...no, SUSAN, I did NOT break the A/C just to see the HAWT A/C guy again...but thanks for asking!

THIS Is What Happens When I Don't Blog Enough...

2009-08-28T13:35:00.003-04:00

Ok, so apparently I've been ignoring my blog...and therefore my readers (all 9 of you - I Love You ALL and thank you for following...) have been neglected. For that I offer my humble apologies and promise to TRY and do better.

There is NO good reason for NOT blogging, I just haven't had much to say. I mean, I've had ALOT to say...just haven't wanted to 'burden' anyone with my ramblings. But that's what this forum is for, yes? I think burden is a bad word to use here and I'm sorry for that. I've been in a funk lately and haven't been able to find the words...any words...

I've gotten my first award!!! YAY!!! Thanks to Susan at STOP CALLING ME THAT! She rocks so hard, y'all! The only BAD thing? I don't know HOW to do the stuff I'm supposed to do...here are the rules:

Rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you this award- THANK YOU Susan, I'm humbled.
2. Copy logo and place it on your blog- Uh, haven't quite figured out HOW exactly to do that...yes, I'm a computer 'TARD
3. Link the person who nominated you- Yeah, can't figure THIS one out either!
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting- THIS I CAN do...but I doubt you'll find it interesting
5. Nominate 7 Creative Bloggers- But I can't re-nominate you, can I?
6. Post with links-Can't figure out this one either!!!
7. Let them know they got the prize-But, But....Damn, I'm an Idiot!!!

Ok, so here's 7 things about me you MIGHT find interesting...

1. I'm the oldest of 5 children, I have 3 younger brothers and my sister was born when I was 17 and everyone thought she was mine...

2. I LOVE to write...but I often get writers block so I have a MILLION (ok, maybe 3-4) stories screaming in my head begging to get out (oh, those are just voices? Really?!?! DAMN!)

3. When my daughter becomes the next Megan Fox (Pretty girl, NO acting ability....JUST KIDDING GIRL CHILD) and millions of dollars...I'll be a recluse in the Montana mountians

4. I LOVE to read!!! I read just about anything...yes, even the freaking dictionary when there isn't anything else

5. My kids friends think I'm a cool mom! I guess my kids will EVENTUALLY realize that they could have it worse.

6. I LOVE kids!!! When they're not bratty...so when they can't talk back...I guess I just like newborns...

7. My husband of almost 13 years is the love of my life and even tho I've done some HORRIBLE things in our marriage, he actually likes me enough to stick around...either that or he's just numb to my craziness...

Anyway, that was my mission for today...hopefully I'll be able to find the words I need to express myself the only way I know how...with my tongue planted FIRMLY in my cheek!!!

ATTN: FAMILY

2009-08-11T11:37:00.002-04:00

You wanna know how to make your life happier? There's one small thing you can do....

LISTEN TO THE WIFE/MOM!!!!

You all ask me questions, ask me for advice, hell - even ask my opinion of something....WHY ASK IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN?!?!?!?! Your lives would be SO MUCH EASIER if you did!!!

Love Always,

Mom/Wife

Can I Just Say...I LOVE This Man!!!

2009-07-28T08:46:00.003-04:00

After 14 years (Sept 25, 1995) of togetherness and 13 years (Oct 25, 1996) of marriage the man in the photo above can STILL freaking curl my toes! All he has to do is touch me or kiss me and I melt! Craig - YOU are the love of my life and I've NEVER had anyone love me the way you do!

Yes, I got laid last night - you REALLY wanna make something of it?

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

2009-06-30T07:45:00.013-04:00

THAT'S what little boys are made of...

June 29, 1999 9am - I went to my doctor for my weekly appointment. My baby was due the 4th of July and EVERYONE was excited! My doctor was on vacation, so the Mid-Wife checked me out. From the time I left the docs office, I hurt. I got to my grandmothers house (my cousin was watching Katie) I was hurting so bad I got down on my hands and knees in the middle of her kitchen floor and hiked my bottom into the air.

"You know, Crystal, I think you're in labor", said my grandmother (who gave birth to 6 children, but what did she know?)

"You're crazy old woman, I think the Mid-Wife hurt me. Hubby will be home later - I'm gonna go and get everything ready for him", says I who has only had 1 child thus far...

6PM - Hubby is home for a little while, he has a load to deliver in Alabama and will be back in the morning, he was an Over The Road Truck Driver. We have dinner, actually he and Katie have dinner - mommy is laying on the couch in PAIN - but refuses to believe the baby is coming (every time I hurt with Katie I went to the doctor - I wasn't going again until this baby looked at me and says; 'Hey mom! Its time to go! I'm here!!!)

11PM - I waddle into the TV station that I worked at at the time. The guy I relieved asked when I was gonna pop and I bit his head off. I apologized and shooed him away. I called my mom because the drive to the station was AWFUL! I needed her to talk to me and Hubby was away, and I didn't think he would know what to do. She kept me on the phone for an hour and timed me. Every time I'd suck breath in sharply she'd count...my contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasted a minute and a half. She called the guy who just left.

12AM June 30, 1999 - I'm in an assessment room. I'm at 3 cm, but they can't find the contractions. The nurse tells me to walk around for about 5 minutes and they'll try again. I make it to the next assessment room, which thankfully was empty, and proceeded to make a mess all over everything! The nurse scooted me up on the table and checked again - 5 cm in 3 minutes. This baby was coming! They take me up to the Labor and Delivery rooms...8 cm. My mom has been trying to call my coach - my friend at the time who wanted to be there with me when the baby came because hubs would be out of town but couldn't get a hold of her - apparently her parents turned the phone and answering machine off when they went to bed, so she missed the baby being born. Mom calls Hubs and we're on the phone:

"You can't hold that Turkey in just a few more hours?"

"I'll try, but once things get moving - they move. Get here as soon as you can. The doc is here to give me the epidural, mom will call you back in a bit."

They give me an epidural (yes, I had drugs - sue me!) I had 2 contractions while my mom knelt in front of me and helped me remember to breathe. I don't know if I ever thanked her for that...if not, THANK YOU, MOM!!! (When Katie was born, they shooed everyone out of the room while they gave me the epidural) The on-call doctor came in to assess me (remember, my doc was on va-ca) and said I could push.

But first, I had to puke. I puked and my water broke at the same time. I can vaguely remember hearing the respiratory people being called into a room with the same number as mine...

2:59AM - Despite the epidural I FELT EVERYTHING!!! It didn't take because I was too far gone when they gave it to me...lesson learned. ITS A BOY!!!! 8lbs. 4oz. 22in long. They took the baby over to a waiting incubator. Put a clear plastic tube down his throat and pulled out a black tarry looking liquid. The docs didn't want him swallowing it, it would've messed his little life up before he began it. They took the baby to be weighed, measured and cleaned...I'd been thru this before, so I knew. I waited....and waited...and waited...

I called the guy at work to walk him thru the process of putting on a morning show. My boss didn't believe that I'd had a baby, she called the hospital. When they told her that yes, I had had a baby she asked when I could go back to work...I loved that job - HATED that boss!!!

6AM - They FINALLY bring my baby in...Ryan Patterson. He was beautiful, he was healthy and he was mine! The nurse who brought him in told my mom that before he was born there were 4 vaginal births, 3 C-sections, RYAN, then 5 MORE vaginal births and 3 more C-Sections...it was a full moon and everyone who was ready to pop gave birth the same night!

So my darling, Ryan - that is your birth story. You've been my little man for 10 years. You have made the last 10 years a joy and we've both shed some tears, but you've made it! You're 10!!!! You're going into 4th grade in the fall. you're headed to a new school, you'll make wonderful new friends! I love that you look like me - especially now that I've cut all my hair off. I love that you have my blue eyes. I love your sense of humor and the pride you have when you've done something good. You're not my little baby anymore and you've grown so FAST! Please, can't you wait just a few minutes? I don't want my baby to grow up! You're my oldest son and one of my greatest joys. I Love You, Ryan Patterson!

I've Heard Of Being A Tightwad, But Come ON!!!

2009-06-08T11:09:00.004-04:00

We moved into a bigger house back in February and EVERYONE loved it! The little boys have a room they can share, Girl Child has a room to herself and Step-Spawn One and Two share a room. Its got 2 bathrooms so no one is in the hallway doing the pee-pee dance waiting for dad to get out...

The problem? There are MANY! The kitchen/dining room are so small that everyone eats in the living room on the floor (EXCEPT mom and dad cause we're USUALLY the only ones who don't make a mess...USUALLY) and there is little to NO cabinet space. We're dealing with it.

Over the last two months the landlord has gotten a 'management' company to handle the 'maintenance' of our house...we live in Florida, the only time it gets cold enough to turn the heat on is MAYBE in January. We get one week of winter, then we're wearin' shorts for the rest of the year.

I am a hot natured person, my husband is a freaking walking bear (he has a hairy chest {yum!}, but not a hairy back {THANK YOU, GOD!}) so HE'S hot natured. When ANY of my kids get over heated (like running around in 50 Million degree weather at school during recess), they tend to throw up.

For the last 2 months I have been BEGGING the management firm AND the owner of my house to fix my air conditioner (THAT is included in the whole house package...you know, heating, air, stove, fridge...). He's sent guys over to 'rig' it. THEN last week he sent a REAL live A/C guy {who BTW is HOT even tho he's blonde and I don't really go for the blonde guys} to come fix my A/C. A/C Guy tells Owner that the unit is 16 yrs old and NEEDS to be fixed.

The TIGHTASSED owner says "I don't wanna spend $2800 to fix the A/C unit"
A/C guy says, "Fine you can get this newer, but slightly used unit that I just took out of a NEW house and use it."
TIGHTASSED Owner then says, "No just fix the compressor, it'll be fine"
A/C Guy comes to put the new compressor in Thursday, by Saturday the fucking A/C is making so damn much noise that the NEIGHBORS came to my house, knocked on my door and asked me to turn the A/C off because it was so loud.

We spent the weekend wrapped in soaking wet towels and cussing the owner of our house. He hasn't seen me pissed of yet, but if he doesn't get the air conditioner fixed and one more of my kids comes crying to me at 3 in the morning because they are hot and puking, I'm NOT responsible for my actions!

A Little Bit Of Randomness

2009-06-04T08:27:00.004-04:00

There really hasn't been anything interesting going on in my life lately. But I do have some updates...

Middle Child has passed to Fourth Grade! His report card reads SO much better these days! When he got off the bus last Friday he stopped in the middle of the road (read small lane), raised his hands in the air and screamed, "FOURTH GRADE!!!!" He was SO happy! I got a little tear in my eye. He's just now realizing how smart he is. I've been trying for YEARS to get him to understand that, but his first Kindergarten teacher called him dumb and the stupidest kid she'd ever taught...I know this because I heard her saying it to him before a parent/teacher conference. I ended up holding him back his Kindergarten year because he was so frazzled, he didn't WANT to learn. So, his academic career didn't start off the best. But we're working on it one grade at a time and he's getting his confidence back. {Thanks alot STOOPID first Kindergarten teacher!}

Youngest Boy Child is going into 2nd grade. Him - I have NO worries about! As a matter of fact, he made a little booklet about 1st grade and he said it was easy. The boy is 7 (almost 8) and he's smarter than...my husband (did you actually think I was gonna say me? You must be crazy...or you know me too well)

Girl Child is being a typical 12 yr old girl. She's loving the fact that she can go to her friends house and stay as long as she wants. She's been taking really good care of her brothers the last week or so (yes, the older boys are at the house - but that's just in case MY boys decide to burn it down)

Step-Spawn One and Two...Step-Spawn Two has decided to join the Navy. Thank GAWD! It'll get him outta my house soon!!! Step-Spawn One....yeah, no update on him. Don't get me wrong - I love him to death, but he sits at the house and makes sure the little boys don't burn it down.

Hubby bought a motorcycle last week...I can't WAIT for it to be fixed! The first weekend it is, we're riding to Panama City Beach, Baby!!!! I NEED the beach badly! I feel drained. The beach is my battery charger and if I don't get charged soon, EVERYONE in my house will be VERY sorry!

Next week I'm starting my 4 10 hour work days so I can have some time to spend with my kids while they're out of school for the summer. I know, why would I want to put myself thru the torture of have 3 whole days with them? Honestly? That's the only way I'll be able to HOPEFULLY get some sun on my white assed self! No, I'm NOT sunbathing nude...THAT is one thing NO ONE wants to see!

But I figure at least one day a week the kids can get away from the house and have some fun! I'll take em to the beach, the water park and even a museum or two...maybe, if I don't get too lazy. Either that, or I'll be spending my 3 days a week drinking....

AHHHHHH, Summertime!

Sorry VodkaMom, I Saw His HINEY!!! MY Favorite Part!

2009-05-21T12:07:00.005-04:00

This past weekend Hubby and I took Middle Child to the movies.

In March Middle Child came running out of my bedroom all excited and stuff. He could barely breathe he was SO excited.

"Mom! Guess what I just saw and you HAVE to take me"

"What Middle Child, what did you see that has you so excited" This is where I expected him to say he has made us millionaires because he figured out the cure for cancer

"I JUST saw the previews for 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine', you HAVE to take me to see it"

THIS is where 'MommyMode' comes in because I make a deal with him: "You can go see it if from now until the day it comes out you get green when you're in school. I will take you myself to see it - but ONLY if you get all greens from now until May 1st"

May 1st gets here and Middle Child has gotten all greens in his planner - no more acting up in class. His grades have shot up and he's feeling good about himself. We couldn't take him the day it came out, BUT we did take him this past Sunday and he LOVED it!

My favorite part? (I'm sorry VodkaMom, it IS!) When Hugh Jackman is running thru the woods NAKED!!! I would've seen more of his goodies if the camera had been operated by a woman! Hugh Jackman is VERY easy on the eyes, ESPECIALLY naked! But I still have the HAWTS for Jeff Probst.

Oh, and we took photos - my Middle Child and I...I Love Him!!!

It's Official!!!

2009-05-14T08:18:00.003-04:00

I have TOTALLY ruined my daughter's life and she's ONLY 12!!! I am SO patting myself on the back for this one!

Tuesday when I picked her up from school she didn't look very happy. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she has detention. There was a substitute teacher in one of her classes on Monday and the sub said as long as the class was quiet, they could pass notes. BEFORE the bell rang the kids were all talking loud and apparently Girl Child had her name put on the 'bad kid' list.

My daughter isn't really a bad kid {quit laughing, Queen! She's a good kid...usually}, she just likes to talk to her friends. She asked me if I could let her skip detention. I told her I wanted to talk to her teacher to find out the OTHER side of the story. Apparently that is NOT what the cool parents do - they just let their kid skip detention.

The teacher and I exchanged voice mails and e-mails and Girl Child has detention...on Monday. She totally hates me and hasn't talked to me in two days! I have NEVER had so much peace! Now, if she'd stop talking to her brothers, we'd have blessed silence in the house...PLEASE STOP TALKING TO YOUR BROTHERS, GIRL CHILD!!!!

Teaching My Kids The Art Of Sarcasm

2009-05-12T11:57:00.003-04:00

fa-ce-tious: adjective - not meant to be taken seriously or literally; amusing; humorous

As many of you know, I am a VERY sarcastic person and I'm trying to teach my children the art of sarcasm. Case in point:

"No, child - the sky is purple"

Child: "Mommy, are you being Bocephus again?"

I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

I'd Like My Mother of the Year Award Now...

2009-05-05T09:42:00.006-04:00

I must be SOME kind of mother...2 of 3 my children are grounded - kinda.

Girl Child is grounded from going anywhere for the whole month and she has to clean the kitchen for the month. Last week was her week to do the kitchen (the 3 older ones take turns cleaning the kitchen every week). I started smelling something on Wednesday, but couldn't find it. Figured it was something in the pipes, tossed down some drain-o and didn't think anything else about it...until Thursday. I smelled it again, thought it was the nasty trash and yelled for someone to take the stinky ass garbage out or EVERYONE was sleeping outside (yes, everyone...but me!) Friday, Girl Child went to my mom's for the weekend, apparently my 3 yr old niece was missing 'her Girl Child' and so my mom guilted me into guilting Girl Child to go. (I'm KIDDING Mom...you didn't guilt){she SO did, but since she might read this - had to make her feel better}
By Friday afternoon the smell was SO bad I couldn't stand it anymore and went sniffing. EUREKA! I found the...oh MY GAWD!!!! I know she didn't do this!!! I called my mom's house...no answer. I called her cell...no answer, but I DID leave a message (When you get this have my child call me! She is in SO much FUCKING trouble, I might have to come get her!) I NEVER cuss in front of or in the vicinity of my mom, my kids? That's a different story.
I get a call a couple of hours later...it was my mom.

"Where's Girl Child?", says I
"In the movie, what's up", says my mom
"I found her dirty little secret, she needs to call me when you get done. I'm half tempted to come to get her tomorrow"
"Why, what's she done? Plus, I have plans tomorrow to go into Valdosta" {see? THAT'S the guilt thing I WASN'T talking about earlier}
" FINE. She's grounded from going ANYWHERE for the month of May"

A couple of hours later my phone rings again...
"Hello?"
"Hi Mommy"
"You're grounded from going anywhere when you get back"
"I know. I called to tell you I was sorry. I forgot that the pan was on the floor. I know I'm grounded and can't go anywhere and I have to do the kitchen for the WHOLE month of May and I'll do it and won't complain"
"Good. I love you."
"I love you too, woman who has ruined my social life" {OK, MAYBE she didn't say that last part, but it's my blog and I can LIE if I want to}

So as you know, I was sick last week. I walked into the kitchen Friday afternoon to put the boys dinner in the oven and could not stand the smell anymore and went sniffing...oh, sorry - already said that...
I smelled by the back door and lo and behold I found the culprit...Girl Child likes eggs. She made eggs for afternoon snack one day. She filled the egg pan with water to 'soak'. The table was full of other dishes 'soaking', so she couldn't put it there. The counter was full of clean dishes, so she couldn't put it there. She put it on the floor between the hutch and the back door...and forgot it was there. She dried the dishes with a towel and threw it on the floor between the hutch and the back door...over the egg pan...for about 3-4 days...in the Florida heat.
Yeah, I want my award dammit! Oh, but wait - there's more!
Youngest Boy Child (not to be confused with Middle Child. YBC is the youngest of 4 boys) and his friend (the girl in the I Heart My Fam post...her son) decide to write dirty words in the friend's journal. It was Youngest Boy Child's idea...
GREAT!!! So, YBC and friend are now banned from having ANY fun this week. No TV, no bike, no XBox - NADA!!!!
When you call my name for Mother of the Year, can you have Jeff Probst give me my award...and maybe a HAWT kiss too? What?!

Haven't Been Feeling Well...

2009-05-01T15:32:00.004-04:00

For the last week I've been fighting not feeling well. the left side of my face has swollen up right under my chin. I go to Urgent care because I'm in MAJOR pain. The doc does the strep test, puts his finger in my mouth to see how tender it is and says 'Don't bite the doc'...Ok, doc - I can't open my mouth more than maybe an inch, you have your finger in my mouth and I'm not supposed to bite you...THEN he touches the most sensitive part of my mouth - the part that's swollen. DON'T BITE THE DOC...I didn't bite the doc, but if he puts his finger in my mouth one more time I can't promise anything.

Since I have a little bit of nothing to do ALL freaking day long, I figure its a good time to add my Philly pic...

Don't I look SO thrilled? Hubby LOVED taking that pic...

I'm crawling back into bed now...I'll add the others when I feel up to doing more.

THIS Is Why I Heart My Family...

2009-04-24T10:22:00.011-04:00

So yesterday was Hubby's 40th birthday. A girlfriend of ours came over last night and brought him a cake. They decided to wear it...I took this picture in my bathroom last night, they were trying to wash it off...Too funny!

We also had a chours thingie for my 3rd grader. I've always known every one of my children are hams, they get it honest because I was all about the attention I'd get when I was silly growing up. So, last night Middle Child had a performance in a musical the 4th and 5th graders were doing - he was in the intermediate chorus...Fair warning...he's a ham! But I love him and the musical was AWESOME!

The last kid isn't mine, but he was doing the part of Elvis and he's ADORABLE!

New York City - 2006

2009-04-17T07:55:00.012-04:00

I grew up in two very small towns. Valley Center, CA and Macon, GA. When we lived in California I HATED going to LA, it was too big, there are too many people, too much...When we lived in Georgia I HATED driving upto or in Atlanta. The traffic is AWFUL! So when I grow up and my husband and I decide to go somewhere special for our 10th wedding anniversary because we didn't really have a honeymoon where do I decide we need to go? Why one of the BIGGEST cities in the WORLD!

The buildings, the noise, the people, (except for the police - I met a couple that were DOUCHEBAGS!), were SO nice! They snickered at me because even though I can't hear it, apparently I have a BIG southern accent...hmmm

We got there on a Sunday and as our plane was taxing into JFK I cried...my dream of coming to NYC was a reality, only difference? I was YEARS older and very cynical. We had a room in the 'Lullaby of Broadway', The Milford Plaza.

Monday our 'tour guide' Sammy took us to the Brooklyn Bridge and the World Trade Center Towers, I have to say I've never been so moved.

Tuesday we goofed around the city and got lost in Central Park (don't ask me how because we STILL don't know!), but we enjoyed ourselves. We even found our way out right at the bottom of the steps to the Museum of Natural History

But Wednesday was our anniversary and we had tickets to The Phantom of the Opera, but FIRST we did the 3 hour tour around Manhattan

Of course since it WAS our 10th anniversary and we were in NYC seeing The Phantom, I had to buy a dress because I wanted this to be memorable for the both of us...

Thursday we goofed around some more, but not as much because we were starting to get sick. The weather was 10 degrees colder than normal.

Friday we walked around Wall Street again and....Get ready, Belle...Here's the pic you've ALL been waiting for...

Don't I look SO thrilled? Needless to say, we fell in LOVE with NYC! When our spawn FINALLY move out Hubby and I are pulling up roots and moving to the Big Apple - I can't WAIT!!! I have a feeling that when we take the Spawn up there in 2011 they'll fall in love with it too.

Marinka, when you see me running down 5th Ave with my hair on fire you'll know I brought the Spawn with me.

Ok, so I guess I don't have the Philly pics. I grabbed the wrong memory card...

Since Belle is Waiting...

2009-04-14T13:56:00.004-04:00

Hubby and I had to go to Pennsylvania to take care of some business...we live in Florida. We drove from Florida to Pennsylvania, just the two of us. I have to say - we had a good time. Hubby drives a truck for a living so he knew his way around the interstates and didn't get us lost! We drove thru Atlanta. I grew up in Macon, GA so I know about the driving in Atlanta...I rode the whole way thru with my eyes closed.
We drove thru Tennessee, got our oil changed...woo-hoo
We drove thru a couple more states, but by this time I was DONE! I got engrossed in my book and let the miles fly by. We were supposed to go to Gettysburg (because I LOVE history), but didn't have time.
By Saturday we were in Philly. Yea, Philly! We had an AWESOME Philly Cheese steak from Pat's, I got a new coffee mug and a tiny version of the Declaration. I wanted to see Independence Hall, but the fuckers obviously didn't know it was ME that wanted in and decided to adhere to the posted hours of operation...all the tours were sold out. I mean SERIOUSLY don't you people have anything better to do? Yes, EVERYTHING is about ME...unless its not.
While we were in Philly Hubby wanted to see the Rocky statue...UGH! You know, its bad enough that that man took pictures of me beside the ASS END of the Wall Street Bull two years ago - now he wants a picture of me with ROCKY?!?!?! I don't think so! We never did find the Rocky statue (THANK GOD!), but unfortunately we did find a Rocky cut out...guess who got their picture taken with it? I don't have the pictures with me right now, but I'll post them later...
Needless to say, we enjoyed our little road trip. I even drove from outside Atlanta to Tally...Hubby is a control freak when it comes to driving, I think its because he's a 'professional'. We left Pennsylvania at 9am Monday morning...we got home at 6am Tuesday morning...I think my body is still getting over the drive...

Its Been A While...

2009-04-09T12:43:00.003-04:00

I haven't been ignoring my blog - I've been out of town since last Thursday. Had some family business to take care of. Tonight I have to 'help' Middle Child' with a Science Fair Project that's due tomorrow. What?! Yes, I've had PLENTY of time to do, er....I mean HELP WITH, the project - I've just been lazy, er...BUSY!!!
So, Hubby and I had to go to Pennsylvania for some business in Lock Haven. No, I don't know where that is...its in the FREAKING mountians! We couldn't get a cell signal to save our LIVES! I guess its a good thing our lives weren't in danger...
So, I'll blog again in a few days...BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!!

New Picture

2009-03-30T13:21:00.004-04:00

Well, I've put up a new picture...

This one is of My husband and myself 13 years ago at his sisters wedding. BEFORE we had children. So this is C&C b.k. (before kids) - we've changed over the years and we've had our problems (seriously, what marraige hasn't) but we've made it so far and we actually enjoy the people we've become.

My hat is off to my husband...if you knew me you'd understand. Hubby, I Love You and I'm VERY glad we've made it thru the horrible times, now we're moving on to the good times and we're better people for it.

I've learned that when you REALLY love someone you fight for them. Be it a physical fight or a fight for one's marriage and happiness - we've BOTH fought for what we have and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...usually.

We've both learned what it means to be full-time parents and to take everything our kids say with a grain of salt 'cause you know they're lyin'! If we win this parenting thing, MAYBE our children will grow up to at least think about putting us in a home that feeds us occasionally. Its us against them and right now THEY out number us, but we're trying REALLY hard not to let them win...I'm in it for the long haul and apparently you are too Hubby of mine! I Love You!

I am a PROUD Mama Today!

2009-03-26T10:59:00.006-04:00

I'm ALWAYS proud of my children! ALWAYS I tell you! A couple of months ago I blogged twice about my trails and tribulations with my Middle Spawn who is in 3rd grade (I'd link them, but I'm not THAT smart).

Today I can honestly say that my trails are OVER...at least until Baby Spawn gets into 3rd grade. Today Middle Spawn got 3 (yes, I said 3) awards! He was SO excited! You would've thought he just won the lottery! Here's some pics...

Actually, I'm only gonna put these two up...I am SO proud of my son!

P.S. The last pic with the two smiling ladies...neither of them is his mom. His teacher is on the right and his counselor is on the left...Mommy doesn't do pictures very well (If one is taken of me it doesn't come out right - I ALWAYS look like the Bride Of Frankenstein screaming) (SHUT UP Queen Goob! I KNOW you're laughing at me...dork)

I'm Chair Dancing In My Office Right Now...

2009-03-23T15:51:00.001-04:00

My evil Step-Spawn are spending Tuesday and Wednesday with my father-in-law!!! Woo-Hoo!!! Now Hubby and I can have 'Mommy & Daddy Time' withOUT the damn Hellions knocking on the door just to piss me off! WOO-HOO!!!!!

Why I Should STOP Watching Horror Movies

2009-03-18T11:11:00.012-04:00

As many of you know I moved into a house at the beginning of February. I'm NORMALLY a full functioning, rational adult {maybe}. I LOVE horror movies! Michael Myers {NOT from Austin Powers and Shriek fame}, Freddy Kruger and Jason Vorhees were my 'boyfriends' growing up.

I saw the first Nightmare on Elm Street at a friends' 13th birthday party {there is a whole 'nother story about THAT night} and it scared the holy SHIT outta me! But I fell in love with the horror movies.

NOES, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Mirrors, Quarantine and many more have given me pause and made my heart rate accelerate. I FREAKING LOVE HORROR MOVIES!

Unfortunately my love for scary movies has spawned an overactive imagination. Case in point: The first day we moved into our wonderful new home I noticed that the windows in Girl Child's room were nailed shut and EVERY door in the house had a lock on the OUTSIDE of the door. I shook off the feeling of pending doom and went about my business of putting everything in the rooms they belong in.

Cut scene to later that night: I was taking a shower in my new home after the Spawn had gone to bed and Hubby had closed himself off in our room for the night. The house was settling and I'm thinking how wonderful its going to be for my family to FINALLY have room to run in the yard and grow up to be functioning adults.

THEN my imagination starts...was that creak I just heard the house settling or the ghost of some unfortunate soul that is trapped in the house after unspeakable things were done to it.

I peek out the curtain and sigh with relief that it was in fact my imagination. I go to put my head under the water to wash the nasty out of my hair and when I close my eyes a scene from an OBSCURE movie I saw in the 80's flashed in my head*(Yes, that's BLOOD coming out of the shower head):

Of course when I shook THAT thought off I told myself I was probably better off just taking a bath, THIS picture slammed into my head:

I can't honestly say I'll never watch horror movies again, cause that'd be a lie and I've got this whole guilt thing about lying...to certain people...at certain times. Yes, I'm a dork and no one really cares about my sick fascination with the horror genre but this is where I can put my thoughts to paper (so to speak) and not really give two flying fucks what people think.

I will leave you now with those disturbing pictures swirling thru your head. You're welcome!

* I searched the freaking Internet ALL morning because of this stupid movie! In case you're wondering it's a 1981 made for TV flick called "This House Possessed"

MY Bat Story

2009-03-17T15:38:00.003-04:00

My friend Susan told a bat story on her blog earlier and now she's pressured me into telling my own...
We lived in Thomasville, Georgia (its near the FLA/GA state line) in this HUGE old Victorian house. My mom, sister, baby brother and his wife lived with us, along with Hubby and our 3 small children - THAT'S how big this house was.
One night I was reading to Girl Child her bedtime story (Goodnight Moon). After I'd read to her she looked up to the ceiling into the corner near her door and her eyes about bugged out of her head, so being the concerned parent I looked up to see what had made her eyes so big.
And there is was...the BIGGEST rat with wings (aka - BAT) that I'd ever seen! Needless to say I wasn't the shapely 23 yr old anymore, so I was a little more than out of shape. I grabbed my precious daughter and screamed like a little pansy girl while I was running down the stairs (Again, not an easy feat).
My big, bad baby brother was the only male over 2 years old in the house so it was his job to get rid of the damn thing! He proceeded to flush it out of her room and right into the ceiling fan in the downstairs living room.
The fan knocked the bat silly enough to fall onto the floor long enough for us to trap it in a pan and run it outside.
We let it go...or tried to. I guess the ceiling fan knocked it a little more than silly cause it killed the poor thing.
I'd only ever heard my mother scream like a girl when our pet cat left a headless gopher on her pillow when we lived in California. Let the record show that I have ADMITTED to screaming like a girl...ONCE!

Something Sweet

2009-03-12T07:38:00.005-04:00

I stand in the doorway and watch the moonlight dance across you. I remember when I used to do the same thing when you were a tiny baby. My eyes cross over your face, taking everything in. You still have the heart shaped lips, you still have the blue-green eyes, but now your hair is almost down to your butt instead of the light fuzz that used to grace your head.
You are 12 today and it seems like yesterday that I was telling your grandmother that two pink lines just showed up on the stick. It seems like yesterday that I was fighting with your daddy about what to name you. I've watched you grow from a beautiful baby to a rotten pre-teen, but my love has never changed.
I remember when you came into the house, when we lived in Georgia, and said "I'n a Big Girl now mommy and big girls use the potty."
You threw your bottle in the trash when you wanted a bike. You wanted a big girl bed, so you learned how to potty.
My life changed SO much when you were born, but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world! You are my daughter and today you are 12.
Where has the time gone? Will I wake up tomorrow and you be grown? Please don't grow up too fast, I want to enjoy this - your teenage years. I'm praying you and I get thru them in tact. I love you Rachel Katheryn, my daughter.

I LOVE Being the Evil Step-Monster!

2009-03-11T07:34:00.002-04:00

The BEST thing about being the Evil Step-Monster?!?!
Oh, getting the ROTTEN Step-Spawn up at 6:45 AM (yes, I did the Evil Maleficent Laugh - HAD to!!!)
See, we moved at the beginning of February to a bigger house, had to - we inherited 2 more kids over 2 years. So this new house has got a hole in the wall on the inside AND out. The BAD thing (this is where I should have photos, but I don't) the hole on the inside was covered with an aluminum pie plate (with a clock face...I SWEAR!). The ouside...just the pie plate, but its painted to match the color of the house.
This morning the landlord is sending someone out to fix the hole in the walls...I got to get the ROTTEN Step-Spawn up out of the bed to straighten up just in case landlord comes over right after dawn.
THEY HATE ME!!!!
Now I just hope it gets done...otherwise Hubby will be TOTALLY pissed! hehehehehehe!

WHAT THE F*$^?!?!?!?!

2009-03-06T11:22:00.005-05:00

Ok, EVERYONE who reads me knows that I have a passel of rotten spawn. 3 are mine with my Hubby, 2 of them are HIS with the BITCH! Hubby and I have a pretty healthy, active sex life. We actually DO like each other even after 13 yrs of togetherness.
OUR 3 children know that when the bedroom door is closed and the music is on loud enough...lets just say loud enough, DO NOT KNOCK ON THE DOOR FOR ANYTHING!!!
HIS 18 yr old decided to KNOCK on the fucking door at the MOMENT! OMFG!!!!
Was he bleeding? NOPE!
Well, was it an EMERGENCY? Apparently so!
He needed a piece of paper signed...he interrupted MY 'mommy & daddy time' for a FUCKING piece of paper?!?!?!?!
TEENAGERS!!! My spawn may not make it to their teenage years!
Stoopid fucking teenagers! Can't live with them and apparently its against the law to physically hurt them!

I had a hard time...

2009-03-04T09:25:00.009-05:00

Picking my jaw up off the floor...

So, yesterday I blogged about wanting peace...on a deserted island with Jeff Probst for company. As I'm trolling google images for a picture of Mr. Probst I found this:

Now I don't know if this is a REAL picture of Mr. Probst, but OMG!!!! Belle has George Clooney, Queen Goob has Mark Wahlberg - can I PLEASE have Jeff Probst? Is THAT too much to ask for?

I Don't Ask For Much...Do I?

2009-03-03T08:29:00.009-05:00

I just don't understand it...Not at all...
I don't ask for much - Really, I don't. But why can't hubby play the lottery, WIN the lottery and let me take a 6 month sabbatical. What would I do on a 6 month sabbatical? Well, besides sleep in until 10 in the morning, drink my pot of coffee while watching the birds frolic in the yard...yeah RIGHT! My 6 month leave of absence would be filled with getting the clothes folded and put away, getting the CRAP we've accumulated over 13 yrs of togetherness put away nicely (so we can at LEAST have company over), getting the house CLEAN...
UGH! I really don't ask for much...BUT if I had MY way THIS is how I'd spend my 6 month leave...

Me...Jeff Probst...Deserted Island...But one with electricity for the coffee pot and fridge for the beer. Yes, I have the MAJOR hots for Jeff Probst! I watched him on Rock and Roll Jeopardy and I've watched Survivor for 9 seasons just because he's on it! Yes, I'm a freak - but I wouldn't have it any other way!

UGH!!!

2009-02-27T12:22:00.003-05:00

That's it...that's all...just UGH!

Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

2009-02-25T09:54:00.004-05:00

"One of these days, you're going to have a child JUST LIKE YOU and when you do - I'm going to laugh my ass off at you!!!!!"

That's your mother screaming at you with her robe on, curlers in her hair and cold water dripping down her face....because you decided to play a joke on her and pour COLD - ICE COLD water on her when she was in the shower...

Fast Forward MANY years and BAM! You've got this BEAUTIFUL baby, its a girl and she's got the pretty pink lips, fuzzy hair and lungs that an opera singer would be proud of...

Fast Forward 11 years and wouldn't you know it...your daughter does something (oh, I don't know...lets say she decides to poke your 'squishy' boobs) that totally reminds you of yourself as a kid and with startling clarity you hear those infamous words your mother shrieked at you...

What's a mother/parent to do?!?!?! Why CURSE her as well!!!

What is it with mothers cursing their children? Do they NOT see the potential harm in it? Does she NOT realize that not only is she cursing you to have a child like you were (apparently I was a drama queen(that was what my mom said...I don't remember being THAT much of a Drama Queen)when I was a kid) but if you have siblings, chances are you'll end up having a child like one of them.

Case in point...I am the oldest of 5 (yes, people I said 5!!!). I have 3 younger brothers. I did what any older sister would do and tormented the HELL outta my brothers - WHAT?!?!?! but it clearly stated in the Big Sister Handbook that I HAD to! All of older sisterhood would have been disgraced and I'm not one to disgrace the sisterhood. My mother - now that's a different story...different blog too!

ANYWAY...back to my case in point (is it just me or do I ramble ALOT?!?!?!) My youngest brother - The Baby - was a great little brother...until my mom had my sister and he wasn't the baby anymore...I did my best to protect him while tormenting him in my own little way. When my mom had my sister he became the ASSHOLE of all ASSHOLES! I think its hereditary because his walking sperm bank was one too...he was a PAIN!!!!

Well, MY youngest is almost JUST like him! ALMOST...he's not such a butt hole, but I'm sure its coming! When I asked Mother Dear about it you know what her response was? Me either - so I'm taking creative license and making something up...

Her response was..."Well dear, when I cursed you with a child just like you and you had a child just like The Baby, what's that tell you?" Uh, I don't know...THAT'S why I'm asking you?!?!?! That should tell you that The Baby and You are JUST alike! (Insert Evil Maleficent Laugh here) So not only did I curse you with one child just like you - you have TWO!!!! (Again with the Witch Laughing)

So my blogging friends, beware...if your mother (or father, wouldn't want to be accused of discrimination) ever said..."One day you're going to have one JUST like YOU!!!!" there is NO out running it, just lay down and accept it. BUT there is a bright side....

YOU GET TO CURSE THEM RIGHT BACK!!!!!! (Insert Evil Maleficent Laugh)

I LOVE living in a college town...

2009-02-13T11:47:00.005-05:00

ring, ring....Hello? (Queen Goob)

Do you know the BEST thing about living in a college town?

Uh, Let me guess...this has something to do with your phone call about Cougars, right?

Yes!!!

I don't know, CSY - tell me...

The BEST thing about living in a college town is that you can be driving down the street minding your own business and BAM! You see man meat running down the road in shorts and no shirt! (The drool was making it hard to drive)

Man meat...NICE!!!

Being a woman who enjoys the male body, its impossible NOT to look when a fit guy is running down the road without his shirt on. All I could do was growl in my throat...can you imagine what any red blooded American woman wouldn't be drooling over a nice bod? I understand now why Hubby likes to drive home from work thru the college (he's looking at all the girls, but WHATEVA!) during the spring.
The warm weather definitely brings out the beast, I mean best! Of course when Hubby asked why my eyes were glazed over and I was still drooling when I got home - I had to tell him about Mr. Hardbody Runner. He says he doesn't get why women have to objectify men like that...they have feelings too! They weren't put on this earth just to amuse you Missy!
O.K...first off, the name isn't Missy! Secondly, I don't want to even HEAR how my drooling over a half naked man is objectifying men...its been done to WOMEN FOREVER, buddy! Besides, if I wasn't supposed to look - I would've been blind! He tells me (as his shoulders are shaking from holding in the laughter) that I'm worse than ANY man and I should be ashamed!
Well, I'm NOT!!! If Mr. Hardbody Runner didn't want people looking at him, wearing his shorts and no shirt, he should use my treadmill...Hey, Queenie - can I borrow your treadmill for a while?
I LOVE living in a college town!
P.S. I posed this question to Queenie and she didn't know...so I'm posing it to whoever else may read this nonsense...What is the age difference between a man and a woman to be considered a cougar? Anyone?

I'm Changing My Name...

2009-02-13T08:54:00.004-05:00

I love my family - I really do! STOP laughing, Queen Goob - its TRUE! We've moved from our teeny, tiny 2 bdrm, 1 bath apt (yes, we're like the evil rotten clowns who fit everyone and their mother in their little car...CREEPY) into a 4 bdrm, 2 bath HOUSE!!! WITH a YARD...ok, its just sand covered with pine needles, but if you'd seen where we lived before you'd understand.

Hubby and I got the kitchen in order the night before last and I swear my 3 children came into the kitchen at LEAST every 30 minutes to ask 'what's for dinner'...I was cooking it while we straightened (yes, I'm multi-talented...I AM a mom!).

I walk into my home yesterday and instead of greeting me at the door by throwing themselves into my arms and screaming they'd missed me, each of them (at different times) said "What's for dinner?"

I get home between 4:45 and 5 o'clock and they hit me with that as SOON as I walk in? OMG!!!! You've GOT to be kidding me!!!! So I am officially changing my name to...What's For Dinner? Thank you - I'm done with my rant...for now - you can get back to living your fulfilling lives.

T&T OAESP - Part Duex

2009-02-10T13:38:00.003-05:00

UGH!!! I freaking HATE my school district!
I FINALLY got Middle Child to STOP freaking out over everything his teacher asked him to do (please see Trials & Tribulation of an Elementary School Parent below) and he's enjoying learning now. Yes, I do work miracles THAT fast...that and the threat of military school if he didn't straighten his ass out works WONDERS!!!
We moved last weekend into a bigger house (I swear I'll blog about that later) and the kids LOVE it! Unfortunately the school zone we moved into is NOT for the school they go to now. OK I say to myself (yes, I talk to myself - you wanna make something of it? didn't think so...moving on) no big deal - we have School Choice in our county. Yeah!!!! This means that if you don't want your kids to go to a school that has razor wire on top of the 12 foot fence, you can. Right?
EXCEPT when the school your children go to was built over the summer. Apparently the school is SO full that even the students zoned for that school can't even go to it. FUCKING SCHOOL DISTRICTS!!!! Needless to say - I HATE MY SCHOOL ZONE!!!
I'm going to try to send the boys to the school they went to 2 years ago...I probably should have had them stay there in the first place, but I was trying to to the RIGHT thing by my boys!
Holy Hell! A mother can't even do the RIGHT thing anymore! If my kids didn't need to eat, I'd home school them in a heart beat!

I've been a BAAAADDD Blogger...

2009-02-09T11:55:00.002-05:00

I know, I know - I haven't kept up my blog and the one person who reads it isn't too happy (maybe). I've been meaning to post, but I've been busy.
My excuse? You want to know why I haven't blogged lately? Well, I've moved. We had to move into a bigger house because the Hubby's ex wife (The Slutty Bitch from the 7th Level of Hell) decided that she didn't want the oldest boy with her anymore and if Hubby and I didn't take him he'd be homeless...meaning she wanted to make her Fucking Sloppy Ugly Stinky Breath boyfriend who can't get it up for her without Viagra (but can have a 3some with HIS ex girlfriend and HER friend) happy and kicking Oldest Son out seemed like the best way to do that....sorry, I digress.
Anyhoo - I'll post later.

You Know Its Your 'Time' When...

2009-01-28T10:40:00.005-05:00

You get home from work and EVERYTHING you touch either burns or throws a fat grease bomb at you and you burn your fingers (trying to make breakfast for dinner Monday night)
Your wonderful Hubby tries to make you laugh and everything he says is a put down to your ears...HE says: Baby, you look MARVELOUS! (He put his arms around me to hug me when he says this...aww - how sweet, right) YOU hear: Damn girl! What happened to the skinny woman I married 13 yrs and 3 kids ago
Even the LARGE amount of wine you drink doesn't make things go all fuzzy around the edges - it just makes you MORE edgy
When you go to bed for the night and you tell your Hubby - you know, I could kill you right now and get away with it...the FEAR that comes into his eyes when he realizes just how serious you are.

Yes, I am PMS'ing. I'm trying SO hard to be nice and smile at people, but its just SO damn HARD!!! Why can't I just go away to some place tropical where they have bottomless Margaritas served to you by some really HOT guy with a GREAT accent who tells me that no matter what I look beautiful in a bikini? Yeah, I know its a dream, but DON'T burst it for me people, things could go wrong in SO many ways!!!!

Trials and Tribulations of an Elementary School Parent

2009-01-27T10:02:00.005-05:00

OK, so I went to Middle Child's Parent Teacher Conference last Thursday. I was greeted by the teacher, the guidance counselor AND the Assistant Principle (I tried to hide under the table). Apparently Middle Child is getting so frustrated at school that he's been hitting himself in the head and saying he's not smart enough to do his work.

OH. NO. HE. DIDN'T. Teacher had a list (2 FREAKING PAGES) of things Middle Child did for a WEEK while he was at school. Most of the things were grunting or moaning in his seat because he couldn't think of something to write or getting upset because he wasn't picked or if he got an answer wrong. Don't get me wrong - I've tried to instill in the children that their education is VERY important and they should try their best to do their best IN school. The class has a color system for behavior and school work. Middle Child FREAKS when he gets a blue instead of a green. Yes, he gets into trouble at home when he gets a blue - but I DON'T beat him! I take things away from him...TV, video game, outside time.

So, I talk to his teacher...he's been doing better with his behavior (WHEW). His school work on the other hand is not up to par. He REFUSED to do a 'Writes Upon Request' that the class had to do. Apparently this is supposed to help with the FCAT (I HATE this fucking standardized testing!!!). BUT if Middle Child keeps up with the outbursts not only will HE fail the FCAT, but so will every other 3rd grader in the library at the time (oh, GREAT - put MORE pressure on me as a parent!)

I know that there are private schools that are in town - but I don't want them to go to a school that is run or affiliated with a church (easy explanation - I'm a heathen and don't want the skin of my children boiling off when they walk into a church...WHAT?!?!?!). I can't afford any kind of tuition and financial aid is out - on PAPER Hubby and I make too much money. ON PAPER!!! You know, if there ever was a reason to 'git rid' of Hubby - THAT would be a reason. (Not that I would because today I LOVE Hubby) So, for now the CHILDREN of SATAN will be staying in public school.

I will say that the teacher sent home some really good stuff for me to help Middle Child with his writing...now if I could only find the time to help him...

Yes, Queen Goob? You want me to come over and help you clean?!?!?! I don't clean MY house...oh, I can get away from my children? But Middle Child needs my help with his school wor...WHAT?!?!?! You have Mark Wahlberg gagged and bound helpless in your closet? Kill me now because unless its Johnny or George (Clooney) I HAVE to help Middle Child. Oh! Well, free beer?!?!!? Why didn't you say so in the first place? I'm on my way!

Middle Child - you'll have to fail 3rd Grade...Queenie has beer and boys, er MEN!!! See ya!

Once More With Feeling...Ok - Sarcasm

2009-01-15T15:50:00.007-05:00

OK, I'm a blogging virgin. I asked my good friend Queen Goob if sarcasm was a feeling. She said yes and sent me over to another blogger who has it down to an art form. Queen Goob - my hat is off to you, as usual you were right. OK - so here goes...please be gentle, it is my first time. (Sorry, I'm rolling on the floor...I haven't said that in a LONG time!!!)

I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest...

What in the holy freaking hell are the administrators of our children's education thinking?!?!?! My oldest son is in the 3rd grade, he's 9 (he's also very sensitive...I'm kinda starting to worry about him...maybe). If he doesn't pass the Standardized Testing all 3rd graders are now REQUIRED to take, he'll fail 3rd grade...

Since when is causing the type of scream inducing fear I've been living with via my 9 yr old son (Middle Child) a GOOD way to educate our children? I mean put a LITTLE more pressure on these kids why don't you? I understand that at 9 yrs of age a kids should know a few things...but some of the home work my son is bringing home these days has my eyes bleeding. I BARELY made it out of Algebra 2 in high school, and I was kinda smart then! How in the world is a 3rd grader supposed to know what he's been getting? (I'd explain a little better, but I don't know what they're doing in math to even help him with his homework!)

I have a parent teacher conference next week with Middle Child's teacher, so hopefully she'll be able to explain it to me a little better...so I can stop feeling like a dumb ass back wood hick parent (hey - wait a minute - I AM that parent!).

Speaking of children...does having them actually make a woman stupid? I mean I know having a child growing inside of you is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do, but does that mean that the baby we're incubating is stealing all our brain cells? I'm...well, I was gonna put my age...I'm in my mid-30's (you know, it doesn't look any better on screen than it did in my head) - I should be smarter than a freaking 5th grader! I'm not even as smart as my 3rd grader!

UGH!!! Sorry - I know I'm rambling...I have that problem. I'm going for help, honestly...

Hello, My name is CSymons and I'm a rambler...

Hello, CSymons...

OOPS! My bad!

2008-12-03T09:41:00.003-05:00

I haven't been keeping up with this blog...NOT good! I can't say that I haven't had anything to talk about because I have, I've just been lazy.

I started a new job Monday. I'm no longer working in IT (Information Technology), I'm now working with the Division of Disease Control. It's different, but kinda the same. I've got a new boss, new cube (went from an office with a window to a small cube) and a new building. I miss my co-workers from IT...I guess because they know me and love me just the way I am...crazy and all.

Things on the home front are good. Middle Child has changed his attitude at school, which is VERY helpful. He was getting blues and oranges (a color system when the children misbehave in class) for a WHILE, but he's gotten better (almost all greens lately). I was beginning to think he had a disorder or something...he'd get angry over nothing, especially school stuff. Hubby thought it was a good thing, I of course didn't. Middle Child's teacher agreed with me...I don't think he has ADD or ADHD or any of the other alphabet acronyms they have. I've got to talk to his doctor, maybe see if there's a test or something he can take.

Youngest Child is doing well, as usual. I think he's going to be my brain child. He reminds me so much of my youngest brother it isn't funny. He's SO smart its scary, I just hope I can keep him in school long enough to graduate. Youngest Bro dropped out and never went back. I don't want Youngest Child to be like that...so smart he gets bored in school, but what's a parent to do?

Girl Child (she's the only girl with 4 brothers...2 older and 2 younger) is going to end up with her head shaved! I remember being an 11 (ALMOST 12) year old girl...Did I drive my mother crazy like she's doing with me? Of course NOT!!! If you ask my mother she'll say yes, so lets just keep that between us, OK? Anyhoo...Girl Child has gotten into the eye roll, sigh thing now and its going to get her into SO much trouble! She doesn't realize (NONE of our children do) that mom and dad were kids too and the stuff we tried to get away with, THEY won't be able to either!

Yesterday Hubby and I had a doctors appointment so we went and got the kiddies early from school. Hubby's been trying to embarrass Girl Child for quite some time now...hehehehe, I let Hubby go into the office and sign Girl Child out. He told the ladies in the office that he was going to embarrass the Girl and they said, "OK". So he puts his hat on sideways and started making noises as soon as she walked into the office. The office ladies laughed...she didn't.

I do have to say...our children have senses of humor, of course how can they not with who their parents are? They have dark, sick humors...again, you can't expect any less because of who their parents are. Hubby and I have very weird sense of humor, but at least we know how to laugh and make each other laugh. We don't have a stick up our asses and we laugh together.

I LOVE MY MOM

2008-06-12T15:34:00.004-04:00

I was sitting here reading my one of my favorite people's blogs and was thinking what a cool mom she really is. Hoping, praying, BEGGING to whatever mom deity I could think of that I'm as good of a mom as she is. My mom was a great mom - yeah there were times when i thought she didn't love me or why she even bothered to keep me when she had me so young, but then i realized that she kept me BECAUSE of her love for me.

My mom was 16 when she had me in 1972. It wasn't a small town, but small enough. She did the "right" thing by marrying my biological walking sperm bank, but she wised up and divorced him. She married my dad when she was 19 and by the time i was 4 i had a baby brother. He was cute and I liked playing with him. By the time I was 9 I had 2 more baby brothers and they were great to play with because I was older than when Sean was born so I could help mom out.

We moved to back to California when I was 11 (?) maybe 12 and I love it! We lived on a ranch my Pa-Pa bought with 2 of his friends and life was good...sort of. There are some things in my life that happened that aren't good (NOT for public consumption), but there are the times when my mom would make a teddy bear cake for my baby brother, or a football cake for Nathan...hell, she even made a unicorn cake for me that my friends and i soon trashed all over each other and mom joined right in on the food fight.

She made sure I took dance lessons, when I wanted to try out for the flag and rifle team, she encouraged me. My mom was the only at home parent I had growing up. I don't know how she did it...how did she raise 5 kids alone? (Yes, you've counted right...I haven't mentioned my sister...she was born when I was 17 - more about her later)

I admit - I was a latch key kid...my brother Sean and I rode the bus home from our quaint little school, walked a mile to the bus stop alone and stayed at the house until mom came home...alone. My grandparents lived just up the hill, so we weren't really 'alone', but you get the drift. I'd try to have my chores done and dinner started before mom got home and my homework was done after dinner.

Yeah, my mom was tough but she loved us and we never really had a need for anything. There were some tough times, but we got thru it together because we were family and didn't know any better...we're all grown now with spouses and children of our own and yes, we've made mistakes - but who hasn't?

I love my mom, we don't speak as much as we probably should, but i love my mom. I haven't told her so many years, she'd probably have a heart attack or think I'm wanting something (you have to know my family), but I LOVE MY MOM!!! She gave me my independence, she gave me my sense of right and wrong, she kissed my cuts and dried my tears, she was with me when her first grand child was born (my daughter), she was the ONLY one with me when my oldest son was born AND she got a speeding ticket when i told her NOT to come from Madison, FL to Macon, GA because the baby wasn't coming yet...did she listen, NO!!! and it was STILL my fault she got the ticket...but regardless, I LOVE MY MOM!

We haven't always been close as mother and daughter and part of that is my fault...I've never been able to talk to my mom when it was important and I still don't, but when i need SOMEONE, anyone who won't judge me or tell me I'm wrong, someone i just need as a friend...i know she's there, i know if i need to tell a silly story about what my kids have done that reminds me of my childhood, she's there. I Love You, Mom!

She's in a house all by herself now, my sister is married and moved away to start her own family. I see my mom everyday at work so I know she's OK...but sometimes i wonder, is it too late to be a friend to my mom? To be there for her the way she's ALWAYS been for me? Just in case you missed it...I LOVE MY MOM!!!

Thank you mom. You've always said that being a mother is a thankless job, that your reward is a hug or kiss for no reason. I look at my children and thank God every day for them. Yes, they drive me freaking BATTY, but I love them. My mom cursed me a LONG time ago (stop me if you've heard it...) "You're going to have one just like you some day"...

Well, Mama I did and she hasn't even started yet! Ya think I can get you to run interference for me? she's libel not to make it thru her teenage years...how did you talk to the boys about sex? I know...mine aren't even old enough to THINK about it, but they WILL be and dad's advice? the same he gave his 18 yr old son..."here, take these and put one in your wallet. Make sure you change them out every now and then cause these suckers don't last too long. Don't want to get one with a hole in it from being in your wallet too long"

Yep, the ol box o'condoms...but the girl? she's being locked away in a tower next year on her 12th birthday. PLEASE HELP MOM!!! I LOVE MY MOM!!!

I've FINALLY got a first...

2008-06-02T13:43:00.000-04:00

OK, I've got my first blog...now what? I guess I can do what a friend of mine has done and just ramble (just kidding Queen Goob), of course hers are much funnier than mine. I don't have an insane dog or two spawn of Satan...i have 3 spawn of Satan (different Satan, i SWEAR!), 1 step-spawn and a marriage to Satan himself.

today has been the freaking day from HELL!!! I've been waiting ALL week for my 'friend' to visit (the one that comes once a month...) well, it gets here Saturday and before my coffee has had a chance to un-muddle my brain hubby texts me...'Good Morning, Darling' he says and THOSE words, in THAT tone just set me over the edge! Why? PMS!!!!!

Today? what about today you ask? Well, the sun was shining, the coffee was made and then I woke up! My mood has gone from Linda Blair, head turning, spitting split-pea soup to waiting in a closet for your psycho baby brother to come along and stab you with a kitchen knife. needless to say, all the SMART people at work (yes, Queen Goob, there are a FEW) have left me alone...for the most part. Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day!